Can You Google Your Way to Love?
Google can tell us a lot but not everything about dates & potential mates.
BACK IN THE DAY, when "googol" was just a number too large to comprehend, every first date was a clean slate. The mystery unfolded slowly: Where are you from? Where'd you go to college? When should we register at Pottery Barn? These days, Google cuts in on the getting-to-know-you dance. Show me a person who has never indulged in a little online detective work and I'll show you an octogenarian resident of Pennsylvania Dutch Country. As long as there's Internet access, romance will be researched. But just because you can google—and it's nearly impossible to resist doing it—does that mean you should? The primary justification googlers use for their actions—other than the "home alone with a chocolate cake" argument (it's delicious, accessible, and no one will ever know)—is that when you live a chaotic urban life, dating requires efficiency. Hop on board for a shortcut to red flags.
Take Nicola Piggott, a public relations executive in Los Angeles. "I got chatting with this guy online who said he was a teacher. I googled his school's site, clicked on 'faculty,' and there he was … wearing a priest's collar! He asked me out, so I set up a poll on my blog to see what my friends thought. Everyone said he'd be a sex fiend. So I didn't go."
Tina Singh, a consultant in Washington, DC, also trusts in Google. "I looked up this guy once and found an old Web site that had pictures of him and his friends. I swear, he thought he was part of the Indian mafia. They were wearing silk shirts, hair gel, and were leaning against these cars. Their parents' BMWs! Obviously, I wasn't interested after I saw that."
If information pertinent to your love life exists in the public domain, why shouldn't you access it? Ginny Smith, an actress in New York City, reasons, "It's the equivalent of reading a story about your crush in the hometown newspaper."
Jennifer Lee, a New York City-based writer agrees. "If you were living in a small town, you'd be snooping around with everyone you know. In a global society, Google is an extension of your friends and family."
The Internet is the new town hall, so it's perfectly rational to scan the crowd from a hidden corner … or so I told myself, when I pre-screened a blind date. There wasn't much wrong with him, he just seemed like a bit of a meathead, and not really my type. Which is exactly what I told my matchmaking girlfriend after I emailed the guy to cancel the date. She was surprised. Usually, I'm an optimistic dater who sees potential, even when I should see disaster.
And that's when I realized I'd crossed the line between exceptional time management and closed-mindedness, letting petty details get in the way of possibilities. After all the time and energy I'd given Google, what had it given me? Hours of angst over the truly awful middle school poem I never should have submitted to an online literary magazine. Awkward dates spent "discovering"facts in the evening that I'd already learned at my desk that afternoon. A pit in my stomach when an ex-boyfriend I hadn't spoken to for years admitted to reading all my articles online. (Even this one? Stop it. Really.) If romance was dead, I had let Google kill it.
Discussion
I don't think that google is the be all end all. There is no way of knowing if the person who comes up in your searches is really the person you are looking for. I googled my name one time for fun and it came up with a film actress. I have never acted on film in my life. I tried looking up my dance teacher once and only found people with the same name as her except on the dance studio website--despite the fact that she has been in movies with famous actors.
A few years ago, while watching the news, I heard an unusual but familiar name, going back about 30 years in history. The name was that of my brother's ex-girlfriend when they were in college. Why was she being mentioned in the news? Because she and her current boyfriend had been indicted & convicted of luring and kidnapping a young teenage girl on the Internet, and holding her as a sex slave for several weeks in their basement. And to think that this age 40+ woman had been a sweet teenager who used to share our bedroom when she stayed over on weekends. Scary.....
I would never have considered googling anyone. I didn't google my husband, but in my defense I have known him since we were kids. It is just not somethign that would have ever crossed my mind. Though now that I think about it...its not a bad idea.
First, anyone who doesn't try to find out as much as possible about a stranger they're considering to date is a fool.
Second, and much bigger, is our contractor. During the time he was working on our house he was jailed in May, '06. I googled him, repeatedly, and nothing came up until July, '06 when I heard he was jailed again. I started googling again and finally found the article, only written in July, that both arrests involved him holding his wife and her child at knife point and a SWAT team that had to close off blocks around his house. These were not his first domestic violence issues. I had been home alone with him as were my children. Bottom line - definitely google strangers (or even not strangers) you're considering getting involved in but don't take it as the "be all end all."
Google made me feel more confident that he was who he said he was. My online dating service encouraged a little detective work. I am just starting back into dating. I think a little is good, just confirm the esentials. This last time I checked on too much and sure enough, it did deflate the fun of finding out in person about the guy. And the one important thing..the deal breaker for me, I couldn't have found that out through Google anyway.
