Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn talk with YourTango about marriage and kids.
At first glance, radiant actress Angie Harmon and celebrated athlete Jason Sehorn look like the pinup-perfect couple. The public proposal on The Tonight Show. The polished red-carpet repartee. Magazine cover after magazine cover. But as Harmon's celebrated Law & Order character, Abbie Carmichael, might say: Does the evidence hold up? We decided to find out. So on a brilliant Indian summer day—with Sehorn between tapings of Fox Sports Net's Pro Football Preview and Harmon fresh off the set of Seraphim Falls, her upcoming film with Pierce Brosnan and Liam Neeson—we lured the couple out of their Los Angeles mansion, got a sitter for their daughters, 2-year-old Finley Faith and 1-year-old Avery Grace, and gave them a mission: to cruise the azure waters of Marina del Rey. Then we sat them down (separately, of course!) to take the first-ever Tango couple's questionnaire. The verdict is in: When it comes to the facts, this dynamic duo is in lockstep. But lest you cry foul (or publicist intervention), read on: When the questions go deeper, the answers do, too. Here's how Harmon and Sehorn stay connected, fight fair—and keep it spicy in every room of the house.
First serious eye contact?
AH: Outside Giants Stadium, where we first met. Jason's teammate introduced us; he thought we'd make a great couple. I thank him every time I see him.
JS: The first time I met her she had glasses on. After our first date, we sat in my car in front of her high-rise in New York until the sun came up, just talking. I didn't go up to her apartment. She wasn't having it!
AH: We went to a restaurant, Ruby Foo's, and I flipped my hair a ton. I was so nervous! And he waited a week to call me—
isn't that rude? He said, "If I called you the next day, you would have blown me off." He was right. But don't publish that or men everywhere will be driving women even more crazy!
JS: We went to Ruby Foo's. All I remember is that she kept flipping her hair back and forth. Now I know she was just nervous.
Did you kiss?
AH: Absolutely not. I didn't kiss him for a while. He seems to think I was anxious to be kissed. I couldn't let him know that!
JS: No, no, no. I wasn't counting my chickens.
When did you know that you wanted to marry each other?
AH: Fairly soon, about two months after we met, when we started planning a trip to Bora Bora. It's just like your parents tell you: You just know.
JS: A month or so in, we were sitting in her apartment talking about taking a vacation to Bora Bora. Then we started talking about how many kids we would want and where we would get married. We weren't even engaged yet! It's one of those things in life: You find somebody, you fall in love, and you know right away that you're getting married. Why wait?
It melts my heart when he/she ...
AH: Holds my hand, or strokes my hair, or puts his arm around me. Just touch.
JS: Looks at me with that adoring "you're my husband" look. I never take it for granted that this person loves me and is by my side.
It makes me nuts when he/she...
AH: Leaves the milk out. (Laughs.) And when he doesn't pick up his cell phone. That sends me into orbit.
JS: Can't find anything to wear—she's got a wardrobe the size of a football stadium! But that probably bothers every male in America. The one thing that really makes me nuts is her perfectionist side. I'm just like, "Babe, take it easy on yourself."
What's your favorite room in the house?
AH: Our family room. It has cozy chenille couches and big overstuffed yummy pillows. It's not pretentious. Our guests have fallen asleep on our couches—that's the ultimate compliment.
JS: The theater. It's a man's room: brown suede paint, chocolate-colored carpet, brown theatre chairs, couches, four TVs, and all the drinks I could possibly need.
What do you do when he/she is away?
AH: I have a nervous breakdown because I'm taking care of both kids by myself! Last time, Finley had a cold and Avery was teething. I called him and said, "This is what I'm dealing with today; what are you dealing with?" JS: I sit on the couch in my boxers and watch TV. But I don't have a life without Angie that's different from my life with her.
What would be your ideal evening together?
AH: Dinner, movie, fabulous hotel. The thing is, we can never get to the hotel because we're always like, "OK, let's get back to see the girls."
JS: The one thing that nobody tells you is that when you have kids, the alone time is taken away. So I'd take her someplace, have dinner, and end up at a hotel. We might get in a helicopter and go to Catalina.
How has having kids changed your relationship?
AH: When you have kids, you have to make a conscious effort to spend time with each other. We have date night. It was so funny—we started holding hands the other day, and it was strange feeling. We're always holding our children's hands, so his big hand felt crazy! We had a good laugh about it.
JS: Having children has opened up new lines of communication. There is so much more to debate. We understand each other's strengths and weaknesses now.
What piece of advice would you give a newlywed couple?
AH: Put God at the front of your marriage. Communicate about everything. JS: Understand the other person's strengths and weaknesses. Many people think they're going to change their spouse, and that's a recipe for doom.
What's your biggest difference of opinion?
AH: Watering down juice. We buy juice with less sugar, and I water it down anyway. He thinks I'm robbing our children of flavor. (Laughs.)
JS: I don't think she should care about what other people think. Women are like elephants: They remember everything. Guys just have the here and now; what happened yesterday is gone.
What's the best way to start a fight?
AH: Be a smart-ass.
JS: Be condescending.
What's the best way to end a fight?
AH: Say I'm sorry. I don't want him to explain why he did it, I want him to say the words: "I'm sorry."
JS: Just say: "I'm sorry." There's a plaque in our house that says, "Never go to bed mad—stay up and fight."
What's the biggest compliment that he/she has ever paid you?
AH: That I'm a good mom.
JS: That I'm a good dad.
What do you think he/she looks sexiest in?
AH: His suit. But that's a hard question. My husband is just so good-looking; it's ridiculous! He'll age gracefully and I'll be this old, wrinkled-up, quirky raisin by his side. My nose will be on my forehead because I've had so many facelifts.
JS: A miniskirt and heels.
What is your favorite body part of his/hers?
AH: His hands. No, his lips. No hands, no … OK, his lips. There, I'll stick with it.
JS: Legs. Those legs are just killer.
When I want to look extra sexy I wear ...
AH: A costume, and I'm proud to say it! Oh, yeah. And he's proud of me, too. (Laughs.) I did a show [Inconceivable], where my character takes a pregnant woman to a sex shop. When we were going in there I told the costumers, "You're going to need to grab me this outfit, and this one and this one. I stocked up for the year."
JS: White boxers. Most of my boxers have print, but when I need to look
extra-sexy, I throw on some white boxers and Mama's happy.
So, what's Jason's favorite costume?
AH: I won't answer that. I'm a good Southern girl. You'll have to ask him.
JS: French maid. There's been plenty of outfits and costumes, but that one takes the cake. Maybe it's because that outfit doesn't exist anywhere, except in dreams. A close second is schoolgirl—there's something about seeing your wife with white stockings up to her knees. It all goes back to those legs!
In another life, who would you have had a crush on?
AH: Ed Norton. Absolutely. He's just so talented. That was something I quizzed myself on when I was dating Jason: "If Ed Norton called me and asked me out right now what would I say?" (My answer
JS: There's no right answer to that question! I'm in this life, so I'm going to go ahead and live in the here and now.
What quality do you admire most in him/her?
AH: His integrity.
JS: Her compassion. To be around her on a daily basis is pretty amazing.
Why do you think your relationship works?
AH: Because we communicate, and we're conscientious of each other's feelings. Jason's seen me at my best and my worst. Even my closest friends haven't seen me when I'm defeated and depressed and sad. He has, and he's right there with me.
JS: Because we understand that we're not the same, and we love each other. We're very stubborn people, but when it comes to our marriage, we put that aside.
What do you want most for each other?
AH: Lifelong bliss—because he deserves it.
JS: Happiness. I don't care about all that other stuff. As long as she's happy, then I'm good.