If it takes time and attention away from your partner, it's an affair. But you can both bounce back.
"Infidelity" is defined as a breach of faith, and it occurs in a number of contexts. It does not depend on the presence of sexual behavior. Even within a close relationship, people may have extremely different ideas and perceptions of infidelity. Fidelity refers to the accuracy and integrity of self-representation, honesty, or candor in an intimate, committed relationship.
What Counts As Infidelity?
In marriage, you usually trust your loved one to care about you, be true to you, have integrity within your relationship and put it above all other relationships. When that trust is broken, you may feel betrayed, rejected, uncared for and unloved. Broken trust is extremely hard to heal. Sometimes we can't afford not to get some professional help. Counseling is a means to get tools for living and nothing else. It can help you look at the big picture and find some answers that may have never occurred to you. Remember, you are not alone in this. You have a partner, and you can have a professional on your side as well.
Having a relationship with another person that takes your attention, time, energy, finances or caring away from your primary partner is an affair. To heal broken trust, it takes time. It takes both partners actively working on the necessary issue. It takes the partner who broke the trust to look at why, and then take the steps to make sure there isn't another incident. The partner who was "cheated on" may have extremely tight boundaries for the other partner for awhile.
How To Recover Together
There are many aspects to recovering from a breach of trust. Our personal history is a basis for how well we will recover. If we were abused, betrayed, abandoned, neglected or had our trust betrayed in our growing up years and haven't dealt with or healed from these issues, then it will be more difficult for us to recover from betrayal in an adult relationship. Our own mental and emotional health will determine our ability to move on. Our personality will color our recovery.
No one can give you a magic potion or quick answer to recovery. You will personally have to take it step-by-step, honoring your own needs, strengths and weaknesses. If your partner wants to heal the relationship, you can work together and communicate effectively to help each other. It helps to have a third, objective person, as well as the tools necessary for communication, resolution of issues, exploring family patterns, exploring personal needs, and ways to establish personal rights and boundaries. Infidelity: Why Do People Cheat?
Committed relationships are damaged when infidelity occurs. Sometimes this damage is irreparable. Most of the time, if both partners want recovery, the relationship can actually be stronger and more fulfilling after an affair has happened.
The feeling of crisis when an affair is discovered can become an opportunity to look at what was happening in your relationship. Sometimes a crisis starts the process of improving some of the ongoing issues. You can use it as a wake-up call that gets both partners motivated to do the work of repairing what was not working.
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- 4 Types of Affairs & How Infidelity Helps Marriages
This article was originally published at http://www.marriagecounseling4u.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.