Stop making your life so miserable.
I don’t know any woman who doesn’t want to feel successful in her life — be it work, relationships, finances, family, etc. But often, the very pursuit of that success makes us, as women, feel miserable. Why?
Perhaps we’re never satisfied with what we have in life because we’re too busy defining "success" by someone else’s standards ... instead of our own!
Women are sometimes ruthless in their judgment of each other, only validating someone else’s success if it validates our own — breastfeeding moms against non, working moms against stay-at-home moms, married women against single women, women with children against women without children, etc.
The problem is — when we judge other women, we're also judging ourselves and this is a losing battle. Truly confident women know, this approach will never get you closer to the goal of feeling successful, it only keeps you stuck endlessly comparing yourself to others and feeling freakin’ miserable.
So, how do confident women strive for success without letting it stress them out? Is there a way to reach it without exhausting ourselves or feeling driven to pursue perfection?
Confident women know that success isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being secure in yourself, in love with your life and actively enjoying it. They definite it their own terms!
And I challenge you to start defining success in your own terms, as well. And, I’ve learned there are three consistent benchmarks for REAL success that pretty much apply to every woman, no matter what you want to become, do, or have in life.
Here the three ways truly happy, confident women measure success:
1. They feel free to march to their own beat.
They desire a sense of autonomy, even while in a committed relationship or working "for the man." A confident, successful woman owns her independence and doesn't feel beholden to someone else's vision.
2. They're authentically great at what they do.
Self-mastery is about becoming your personal best at what you do, whether that's being a mother, wife, best friend, employee or entrepreneur. Women thrive in environments that support them, lift them up, and hold them accountable about putting in the work to rise into their best selves. It's not about one-upping other women, just having the courage to be the best version of yourself.
3. They make a difference to other people.
Leading a life filled with real purpose is important to most women. When personal freedom and personal mastery intersect with a noble purpose, women thrive and their lives matter and make a difference in the lives of other people.
Success, like beauty, cannot be defined one way (and it lies in the eyes of its beholder).
So, let's learn from the truly confident women around us and start taking responsibility for how we define success in our own lives. It's not the pursuit of success that causes misery, but rather our inability to define it in clear and healthy enough terms to create a realistic and sustainable approach to achieving it. I hope you start choosing happiness and purpose as your personal success benchmarks.
Teena Evert, LMFT, LAC is a relationship coach who works with single divorcees who want to find new love, but struggle with dating and attracting the right man to cultivate a healthy and fulfilling love life with. Be sure to download her Top 10 Tips To Survive Being Single, When What You Want Most Is To Be In Love!