An Open Letter To The Future Wife Of My Asperger's Child

By

A mother's advice: marrying a man with Asperger's
Practical love advice from a proud mom who's also married to a man with autism.

Dear Future Daughter-in-Law,

As I write this, your "fiancé" is only 12 years old, sitting at the computer next to me playing Minecraft (as usual), and you are just a vision in my head. Today, you are probably more concerned with the latest Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber drama than with your future husband. Yet, it's you I worry about the most when my son yells at me at the top of his lungs during a meltdown or insults my cooking without realizing it or tells me he hates me when I force him to turn off the computer to do homework or forgets to say "I love you" because "words aren't important." 

 

Some mothers write letters to their new daughters-in-law to be read at a bridal shower or rehearsal dinner, telling them all the things they admire about them and promising to share of themselves as they give their baby boy to the new woman in his life, but I know my letter can't wait until those events. Because unless someone who knows both the habits and quirks of my son and the needs and emotions of a woman in a relationship steps in and gives you all the advice you don't want to hear, your relationship will never make it to the altar. I know this because my son is exactly like my husband, your future-father-in-law: they both have Asperger's syndrome. I know this letter is important because it's exactly the thing I wish someone had written to me in the beginning of my relationship to save me years of struggling, fighting, blaming and crying — thinking it was all me and wondering what I was doing wrong. 

Here's what I wish I had known when I was starting out: the things to know before you marry a man with Asperger's.

1. He will hear everything you say ... regardless of what room you are in, even if you say it under your breath. Apparently, he can even hear through pillows, walls, shower stalls, windows and from several rooms away.

2. When you think he's ignoring you, he's not. He is hearing and absorbing everything — and will remember it forever.

3. He will use his amazing memory to recall every time you have ever made a mistake — and he will remind you. It's not that he is trying to shame you; he just wants to help you never make that same mistake again. Keep reading...

More marriage advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Tara Kennedy-Kline

Author

Love Unconditionally, Give Freely, Laugh Openly, Learn Daily, Grow Immensely

Location: Shoemakersville, PA
Credentials: CFC, CLC
Other Articles/News by Tara Kennedy-Kline:

Why Your "Confident" Kid Is Actually Arrogant (Mine Was Too)

By

I like to believe that I'm raising pretty confident, polite children. I've done all the uplifting, motivational stuff—like creating affirmations and making the lists of things we are grateful for. My kids are known for saying things like: "Give your best," and "Learn from your mistakes." So, when I eavesdropped on my oldest ... Read more

Kids Crave Attention? 3 Ways To Put A Stop To That, STAT! [VIDEO]

By

Let us start by saying that we love our kids wholeheartedly and unconditionally. But from one parent to another, is there anything more frustrating than being interrupted at the absolute worst times? Honestly, it sometimes feels as if our kids will do anything to grab our attention, even if it means becoming a permanent fixture in our conversations. While ... Read more

How To Stop Your Kid From Being A Quitter [VIDEO]

By

As a parent, seeing our kids get stressed out can feel pretty awful. Whether it's struggling with homework or being frustrated when trying new activities such as playing a sport or joining a clug, it can be hard to watch our children fail. But what's even worse is when our family is so afraid of failing that they would rather quit that stick it ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular