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An Open Letter To The Future Wife Of My Asperger's Child

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A mother's advice: marrying a man with Asperger's
Daughter-in-law, it's you I worry about when my son forgets to say "I love you."
Practical love advice from a proud mom who's also married to a man with autism.

Dear Future Daughter-in-Law,

As I write this, your "fiancé" is only 12 years old, sitting at the computer next to me playing Minecraft (as usual), and you are just a vision in my head. Today, you are probably more concerned with the latest Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber drama than with your future husband. Yet, it's you I worry about the most when my son yells at me at the top of his lungs during a meltdown or insults my cooking without realizing it or tells me he hates me when I force him to turn off the computer to do homework or forgets to say "I love you" because "words aren't important." 

Some mothers write letters to their new daughters-in-law to be read at a bridal shower or rehearsal dinner, telling them all the things they admire about them and promising to share of themselves as they give their baby boy to the new woman in his life, but I know my letter can't wait until those events. Because unless someone who knows both the habits and quirks of my son and the needs and emotions of a woman in a relationship steps in and gives you all the advice you don't want to hear, your relationship will never make it to the altar. I know this because my son is exactly like my husband, your future-father-in-law: they both have Asperger's syndrome. I know this letter is important because it's exactly the thing I wish someone had written to me in the beginning of my relationship to save me years of struggling, fighting, blaming and crying — thinking it was all me and wondering what I was doing wrong. 

Here's what I wish I had known when I was starting out: the things to know before you marry a man with Asperger's.

1. He will hear everything you say ... regardless of what room you are in, even if you say it under your breath. Apparently, he can even hear through pillows, walls, shower stalls, windows and from several rooms away.

2. When you think he's ignoring you, he's not. He is hearing and absorbing everything — and will remember it forever.

3. He will use his amazing memory to recall every time you have ever made a mistake — and he will remind you. It's not that he is trying to shame you; he just wants to help you never make that same mistake again. Keep reading...

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Tara Kennedy-Kline

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Love Unconditionally, Give Freely, Laugh Openly, Learn Daily, Grow Immensely

Location: Shoemakersville, PA
Credentials: CFC, CLC
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