RELATIONSHIP BUILDING 101: THE 90 DAY RULE

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RELATIONSHIP BUILDING 101: THE 90 DAY RULE
So you think you’re in love? Scary right? How do you keep your heart from being broken?


 

Falling in love? Definitely in Like? Great!  No one wants to get hurt, rejected or feel like a fool so, how do you move forward openly and keep your heart from being broken?

 

There are a few things you should know first of all, that create that wonderful “crush” feeling that provokes such hope for a happily ever after. Despite being very sophisticated and civilized, we humans are animals after all and that being said, there are a few things about animal instinct and the innate urge to mate that we seem to overlook when we meet someone special and start down that path of falling in love … or hoping to.

The reason we overlook it is even built in and natural! It takes a bit of personal work to maintain an awareness when our hormones are surging around like crazy because nature made us a little crazy when it comes to love – or more precisely the mating game. When we meet someone that strikes our fancy and turns us on there is an actual chemical surge that happens, first in brain, and the rest of us follows. Nature did this instinctively so that we would mate and reproduce without thinking about all the pitfalls and issues that could arise, because if we think about it too much, we might miss the chance to make babies …

WHOA! Who said anything about making babies!! You’re just dating, getting to know someone, maybe falling in love, right? Right! And that’s the more civilized brain surfacing to try and make sense out of the lovely feelings of attraction and desire those hormones are throwing around. So, you plunge in and hopefully use protection, but is that enough? Are you going to wind up getting hurt and broken hearted anyway?

There’s the conundrum. How do you follow your “heart” (hormones really) and still be smart? There is a way if you pay attention and use some self control… and I’m not talking abstinence here (although if that’s your thing, that’s ok too.)

It takes about 90 days for those initial wild hormones to settle down, so you have about three months of fairly unrealistic feelings to get through and here’s how you do it.

First, be aware that the feelings you are having in the first three months are mostly hormone induced chemical reactions that are urging you to have sex and reproduce. You’re more sophisticated than that, so just be aware that your own chemical responses are leading you astray and don’t mistake these feelings for real love or a soul mate connection. You’ve probably had this feeling before too but, we forget when it wears off and we end the relationship for good realistic reasons, so it always feels new and different when it happens again. Being aware is always the first step.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
 
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