Does absence make make the heart grow fonder or wander?
Time to “do your own thing” is necessary in every relationship, deciding how much time and enforcing it is one of the vital steps to having a more healthy and happy relationship with others. Having space to breathe also gives you space to think about the other person on your own terms, this healthy separation creates Romantic energy and proves for a great reconnection. Of course there are a few rules to the “Art of absence”.
There are two types of “absentees” … The natural absentee – people who just need their space every now and then and the mechanical absentee – people who are always genuinely busy (work, school, organizations). Both are legitimate reasons and should not make you feel guilty, but there are right and wrong ways to express this to a romantic interest!
RULE #1: Start from the beginning
Setting aside time for yourself is not just some idea, it’s essential to your sanity! Don’t get me wrong, as good as it feels to indulge yourself in the life of your love interest it’s important to not lose your own self identity which is probably one of the reasons they are with you in the first place. Establish “your time” from the beginning, if you’re a natural absentee make sure to let your partner know early on how important this time is for you. If you’re a mechanical absentee make sure to represent your hours of obligation clearly so that there is no misrepresentation of available time.
Sometimes when dating someone new we tend to clear space and create time that we really don’t have, this bites us in the tail later when reality sets in and they have to settle with half the time they had with us before. Be clear with your personal needs upfront and if they can not be met move on!
RULE #2: Their time is their time
Simply put, when you have someone who understands that you need to get away sometimes, make sure that you show your appreciation by making time just for them as well! We are not just talking about your physical presence, we are talking about QUALITY TIME, present in mind, body and soul as one fully focused on one another. Give them their time whole heartedly and they won’t mind giving you yours.