Too Overweight To Date? Let's Get Something Straight


finger pushing belly button
It's one thing to make New Year's resolutions; it's another to put your love life on hold.

The new year has arrived and people everywhere are flocking to gyms with the fresh motivation to lose weight. Maybe you want to become healthier; maybe you want to fit into your skinny jeans; or perhaps you want to lose weight so you can feel attractive and start dating.

If you're waiting to achieve your goal weight before you start dating, I ask you this: Why wait? Look around your office or your social group or even in the media. People of all shapes and sizes are in loving relationships. There are people who doctors would call overweight — even obese — who exude confidence and find love. That confidence is sexy, and it comes from believing you are a catch! It comes from knowing your strengths, and not just your physical ones.


If your appearance or size is holding you back from dating, try this strengths inventory exercise. Take a piece of paper and list your strengths in each of these categories: physical, emotional, creative and spiritual. It's not unusual to struggle with this, especially if you're experiencing low self-esteem, so don't be surprised if you can't just sit down and rattle off your strengths. Try tackling a different category each day, or keep coming back to the activity until you have six strengths listed in each category.

The physical category is often the hardest and especially for people who are already in the mode of losing weight before they can date. Try thinking out-of-the-box. For example, chunky legs may not be shapely, but they might be perfect for a day of hiking or skiing. If you've considered your height a disadvantage before, think of situations when it's been a positive.

In the words of Maya Angelou from Phenomenal Woman, "It's the fire in my eyes, and the flash of my teeth, the swing in my waist, and the joy in my feet ... "

If you are struggling to come up with your strengths, ask yourself why it's such a challenge. Is there a person in your past who repeatedly said you were not tall enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sociable enough ... or just not enough? Are you still buying into what they said? What would it take for you to ignore that voice now and create a new mantra, your own voice saying, I am a catch!

For more inspiration, imagine your best friend was introducing you to a potential partner. What would your friend say about you as a glowing introduction? When you’'ve figured out what they might say, ask them for real. You could be pleasantly surprised.

Sheila Paxton is the founder and creator of Fit4love, the dating coaching program that helps singles find their true love. Are you ready to find true love? Download the free Fit4love Singles Report to find out three secrets to making yourself more attractive to the opposite sex.

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Sheila Paxton


Here's to living life - 

Sheila Paxton

Location: Boulder, CO
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
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