Proceed with caution.
We’ve all been there. We’ve all done it. And no, we’re not talking about skateboarding down a flight of stairs at age 25 because your BFF told you it was a good way to impress your crush.
… We’re talking about having sex while under the influence.
Perhaps it was with a committed partner. Hopefully it wasn't with a total stranger. Maybe you should've been a teensy bit more careful — or flat out less idiotic.
There can be upsides to using alcohol as a sexual lubricant for mutually consenting adults. But there are definitely downsides as well. And dangers.
These techniques might be helpful if you're in a safe situation. But if you do it a lot and think you might be seeing warning signs, check out the following list of potential pros and cons associated with "drunk sex." This will help you make the right decisions about whether to engage beforehand — while you’re still sober and thinking clearly.
1. Fewer inhibitions
One of the biggest benefits of drunk sex is that we lose inhibition. Instead of wondering what is appropriate and what isn’t, or what we should like and what we shouldn’t, we just do what feels right. Moreover, we also lose our fear of expressing needs to our partner.
If you find that your sexual relationship is often inhibited, you might want to try loosening up a little bit before you climb into bed for an evening’s fun. The sauce can really help.
2. Activities last longer
One of the most well-known side effects of drunken sex is that it dulls sensation. For men who tend to be a little excitable, a few glasses of wine or a couple of strong mixed drinks can really do the trick to help him, er, calm down.
3. Potentially more fun
For those of us that often have trouble letting go and enjoying ourselves, a little booze can help. Alcohol helps us avoid stereotypical norms about how we should or shouldn’t get off, whose sexual needs we should be focusing on, and what restrictions we should be putting on our desires.
1. Potential for remorsefulness
Reduced inhibitions, unfortunately, aren’t always a great thing. They can lead to acts that in the morning fill us with guilt and dread of facing the consequences. Unfortunately, drunkenness is not an excuse to jump your friend’s honey, cheat, or generally be a dick to people you care about. Remember, rape is a crime and is never acceptable. No matter how blacked out you were, you’re unlikely to be forgiven, personally, and certainly not legally. So alcohol might lead to some truly awful acts.
2. Issues with consent
This is not a joke. It isn’t acceptable to willingly get drunk and have sex then play the blame game the next morning. But even moreso, whatever you do sexually, in whatever state of intoxication you're in, you're accountable for it forever. Be sure of what you're doing before you begin imbibing. Be clear with yourself and with the other person about consent.
If you need to, enlist your friends to help you avoid situations you aren’t equipped to handle, and do the same for them.
3. Problems for the relationship
If your relationship is at a point where the only time you can make love is when you’re both drunk, this is a serious red flag. Sure, it can be fun to let it all go for a bit, but if you aren’t able to engage in intercourse otherwise, you either need some counseling or you need to not be together.
4. Inability to perform
Whether it’s because you’re going to be sick midway through the festivities or because he suddenly loses … ahem … potency, drunk sex isn’t always the easiest feat to pull off. If you're flat out drunk, and your decision-making capacities have completely vanished, you could be as likely to need the bathroom as you are to want the bedroom.
Drunk sex isn’t free of ramifications just because it takes place under the influence. Sure, you can use it to your advantage, but it can make for serious problems as well, if you’re not careful. While it can be exciting and fun, as well as a fantastic means of liberating yourself, it can also point to problems in the relationship and create issues with guys, friends, and other people you care about … yourself included.