Gay and straight guys having a tight bond without sex...sounds kind of kinky. NOT!
I'm going to caveat this post by admitting; most gay men I know have straight friends. It's a rare occasion that I've met a gay man who is so gay his only friends are gay. Without being crass to my own community, that would be pretty gay!
What I've found, and maybe it's because I don't live in a gay metropolis like West Hollywood, San Francisco, or New York, is that I actually end up having more heterosexual male friends than gay male friends. Before you make the assumptions that:
- I'm hot for straight guys.
- I'm a homophobic homosexual.
- I'm incapable of making gay friends.
Know this, I'm a people person and your sexuality has nothing to do with whether I like you or not. If you're a hypocrite, obnoxious and narrow-minded, I won't like you. Sorry! That's just how I roll.
As I've explored this male friend anomaly that I've found myself in, it began to dawn on me, how much my straight male friends make me a better gay man. Of course, as noted above, none of my straight male friends are hypocrites, obnoxious, or narrow-minded. Of course this doesn't mean we agree on everything. Obviously, we don't agree on what we're attracted to sexually. Nor do I agree with each of them on their political and religious views. Yet, what's opened the doorway to acceptance and being friends is, we get each other and have each allowed our friendship blossom, even with our differences.
As most of these friendships were being cultivated, I realized, what attracted me to these guys was their integrity, vulnerability, and willingness to accept me for who I was. Some of them, like my friend Steve, a casual gym acquaintance, are founded on great conversations where we learn things from one another because we come from two different points of view with commonalities in the middle like being parents, having a belief system in God, and enjoyment of working out at the gym. Steve is a Christian who honors the biblical guidance reagarding homosexuality. However, he doesn't let that get in the way of what the bible also says about loving one another. In fact, our friendship started with casual conversations where my sexuality was never a focus until one day, I just told him. In that moment, he proved what a powerful loving man he was by expressing his views, without lambasting me into shame. He accepted me for who I am and vice-versus.
Another friend of mine, Ryan, was a co-worker of mine whom I basically brought into his first gay life experience, and I'm not talking about taking advantage of him while he was in a drunken stupor. That's a gay fantasy that happens far less than anyone can imagine. The baptism into gay life I'm referring to is, "I'm gay, you're straight, and we'll be great friends, so let me teach you how we gay people roll!" Quicker than Dorothy could skip down the yellow brick road, we were doing things together. I went to his wedding, came to love his wife, and stepped into the roll of being his sounding board about life, love and career. In return, he showed me how to relax, let things go and tried to teach me about sports. He finally gave up on that last one.
My last heterosexual bromance I'm going to share with you, is with a guy named Mark. We've just met and our friendship is already blossoming. Like me, he's divorced, loves his kid immensely and just wants to make a difference in the world outside of what he's been doing for most of his life. His juices have been stirred up because of the divorce and he knows there's more to life than what he originally thought. The more we talked the more I realized this guy has drive and determination and a unique way of connecting with people. I started asking question about his connection techniques and I have to say, "Thank you Mark." You inspired me and I opened some doors because of what you shared. I also know that I gave him some tips on being confident in pursuing your passion.
What I love about my bromance guys, which there are more of, is they bring a unique perspective to our relationship that my gay friends don't and can't. No differently than my gay friends add flavor and flair to our friendship in ways my bromances never will. I'm one lucky guy and I love that I'm bi-relational. I blessed to have "framily" (gay friends that are like family) and bromances. Of course who can forget my lovely gurl friends—both male and female—would want not give them credit too.
Now I wonder why all my bromances are so damn handsome?
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More homosexuality advice from YourTango:
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- Accepting Bisexuality: Attraction Across Gender Lines