5 Tips For Guys Who Just Came Out Of The Closet

National Coming Out Day was last week. Since 1987, it has been observed every year on October 11, a date established to celebrate the bravery and inner-strength it takes for someone to say, "I'm gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual."

It's also a holiday for all of us LGBT individuals, which explains why your office is not quite so fabulous today. Just kidding; we are all present ... much to the chagrin of some lingering homophobes.

Now, if you're scratching your head and wondering, 'Why write about National Coming Out Day now?,' it's to make a point: There's life after coming out, just like there was life before coming out, and life during the moment you uttered the words, "I'm gay."

Nothing has really changed, except another little sliver of who you are at your core has been revealed. In a perfect world, it would read like one of my favorite greeting cards, which is a plain, white card with an outside cover that reads, "So you're gay." The inside says, "That's all?"

However, after all the hubbub of any grand announcement, your life comes back into focus. Life goes on and you wonder what's next. That's the cue to pull out your notebooks and pens and get ready to take some quick notes for this week, the one after National Coming Out Day. Oh, and you don't have to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender to go where we're going! This is a non-discriminatory post ... as it should be!

Bask in the glow ... then take action. It feels great knowing you stepped into yourself. Whether you came out of the closet, or you declared an end to a dead-end relationship, remember this: No one ever got anywhere by just declaring who they are or what they are going to do. The next step is action, action, action. Do something, anything to move you forward more deeply into your new, authentic self.
Walk, don't run. Adrenaline rush be gone. Actually it will be gone faster than you can say, "Make that a dirty martini, extra dirty!" Once the thrill of admitting who you are is over, you may be tempted to leap into your new life. Caution, Will Rogers. Walk before you run. As exciting as it is to be free, take the time to breathe it in, sit still with the experience and stay rational. It will keep the pitfalls and stress at bay.

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3. Stay present. Don't dwell in the past or jump to the future. Not to go all Eckhart Tolle on you, but the man knows his stuff when it comes to "back peddling and future focus." It takes way too much energy to worry about regrets or what the future might bring. Stay in your present state of "Here I am, a gay man/lesbian woman/etc, so let's see how this glove fits and then think what's next."

4. Relax. Just because they're with you doesn't mean they're with ya! Whether the folks took the news well that you're playing Adam and Steve rather than Adam and Eve, or Grandma Gert is passed out on the floor, know this one truth: It takes time and it does get better. The initial reaction may be embracing or not, but as they say on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, "Is that your final answer?" In some cases yes, in others no. Give it space and time to grow beyond the moment and the day for everyone to get accustomed to where you haven't gone before. And, again this applies to any major life announcement.

5. Take nothing personally. Yes, I stole this from Don Miguel Ruiz and the Four Agreements and it was damn worth stealing. If you continue to take everything personally, then you're right back in the proverbial closet. Free yourself, shimmy into your new way of being and let what others will be, will be. After all, did you really stress, fret and worry over "coming out" all that time just to be shoved back into what everyone else thought you should be?

Here's the icing on the cake, the sugar coating on the cookie, the burger to go with that shake. Regardless of what closet door you may have busted through today, "coming out" is a human experience and one we all can take pride in. We LGBT individuals just have a way of turning every day into a celebration! It's ok, you can turn green with envy. Simply know this:

The door swings both ways. One-way leads to you being truly you, the other leads to you pretending to be something your not. Which do you choose not only today, but also everyday of your lovely life in this human experience?

5 Tips For Guys Who Just Came Out Of The Closet

If you recently opened up about being gay, you might wonder, 'What's next?' Rick Clemons can help.

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