How Do Guys Really Feel When A Woman Pursues Them?

Love, Self

Should you go wholeheartedly and aggressively after the man you want, or let him come to you?

When I was a silly little 22-year-old, freshly graduated from college in 1991, I eloped on the shores of Panama City Beach, Florida. High from too much weed, giggly all giddy-like while serious marital vows were being spoken over me, I didn't think about the months and years to come—and how distance would affect my new marriage. With that marriage, I didn't have to pursue the man who would become my ex-husband. He chose me. Thank the good Lord above and inside that union ended in divorce, as it should have.

Before long, I'd be remarried—but I wouldn't say outright that I had to chase after that man to land him, either. In fact, I believe in just the opposite. Those Facebook viral photos of a woman on her knees proposing marriage to her boyfriend kind of make me cringe inside, and not just because I've been raised to follow dating rules. I've always believed that a woman should wait for a man to show interest in her, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't let him know—in subtle yet obvious and ladylike ways—that she likes him. There's a balance between wondering 'does he like me?' and embarassing yourself.

Therefore, when the dating site Millionaire Match asked, "Is it a turn-off to men when a lady pursues them?" they received interesting answers on both sides.

This writer would land squarely on the side of yes—even though I'm not a man. However, as a female, I've learned that it helps to wait for a man to make the first move. If he's shy, throwing on a nice dress and pretty make-up doesn't hurt to get his attention, but as far as pressuring him for a date, that just seems desperate to me. Men know what they want and if they are really into us, they'll find a way to make it happen.

Of course, us Christians like to point to the fact that the Bible says that "he who finds a wife finds a good thing," a verse that insinuates that it's the man who does the looking, not the female that's on a major hunt for a husband. (Even if she is, she doesn't need to look like a Needful Nelly all the time.)

My other favorite part of Scripture, which really brought the point home about not pursuing a man, is in the Song of Solomon, a book filled with such heartfelt yet erotic language that my dad called it "nearly X-rated." Anyway, I like the verse that says, "Daughters, don't arouse or awaken love until it's time."

I've found that wisdom can be used in plenty of situations, not merely in attracting a husband—coupled with a lot of prayer—but also in helping keep the love life alive once you've got him.


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