Lately, it seems like more and more couples are opening themselves up to new versions of the old relationships. Still wanting to stay committed and bound to their primary partner, but open to exploring more avenues of truth and honesty by letting their partners know that 1) “Hey, guess what sometimes, I am attracted to other people,” (this in and of itself is such a great thing for couples to be able to share, even if they are and decide to stay monogamous) and, 2) “Hey maybe we can be secure and strong enough in our relationship to try something different,” whether it be a threesome, swinging, or different facets and styles of non-monogamy and polyamory.
I am such a proponent for this movement, particularly though because of honesty and breaking away from this myth that our partner will be the only one we are ever attracted to, and will fulfill all of our fantasies, all the time. The myth of “the one,” “the soulmate,” the love of our life who will be the only one we are ever attracted to. This sets us up for so much disappointment, dishonesty, jealousy and insecurity, because it’s not realistic to think we will never find someone else attractive or that we will only and always be fulfilled by our partner. Even if we stay monogamous and faithful, we should recognize it’s a choice to do so. We do it because we made a commitment to our partners, our relationship, and ourselves. So for even the monogamous committed couple, talking openly about attractions should be a good thing, and would only lend to more openness and honesty in the relationship. One would think and hope, as this is often the first step when shifting to open relationships from closed, or non-monogamous from monogamous. However, all too often I see the awkward and strange, often times painful and cumbersome shift from a monogamous mindset to try and embrace something new something different. Change is not easy, and it takes some work.
Here is the thing, open relationships, non-monogamy and polyamory are often so great in theory, even friends with benefits and no strings attached sex, which all sort of break away from our society’s notion of the committed relationship, as more and more people are embracing this notion that monogamy may not be quite as natural that we’ve been spoon fed for hundreds of years to believe.