She's out there somewhere. You just have to look.
I know a number of men that are single and looking for a relationship. These are fairly good-looking men who are successful, established and are generally intelligent and fun. Some are divorced. Others have not yet been married. They all have one thing in common; they genuinely wish to understand why a catch like them is not in a relationship. So there they are, analyzing their plight for hours and days. Some do it in a bar. Some in the privacy of their own homes. None of them think they're doing anything wrong — so why are they women not knocking each other over on their way to meet them?
"The club scene is just not for me any more," lamented one of my friends. "I used to go a lot before I was married. It was fun then; I was young, the girls were young. Nobody was looking for a relationship and we all knew why we were there. Believe me, it was not for the music. Now that I'm twice divorced, I tried the club scene and realized why I enjoyed it so much in my twenties. it was a quick and easy way to get laid for the night. Guess what? It still is. But I am now in my forties, and I am looking for a meaningful relationship, not a one night stand." While my friend was spilling his guts to me at a local watering hole, four attractive and seemingly intelligent women sat down next to us at the bar, had a lively conversation and left. At my suggestion to start a conversation with them, my friend scoffed that a bar is not exactly an ideal place to pick up women. Perhaps not all bars, I conceded. However, we were in a perfectly reputable local restaurant bar that did not serve wine in plastic cups but in Italian crystal glasses and had many more varieties than just "red" and "white." After all, we were in the same bar as they, I argued, and we were (even if self-admittedly) intelligent. This is 2014, I maintained; we live in a Western Society where old Victorian clichés of "thou shall not wed a wench from a pub" are archaic and obsolete. After a few hours, I believe my tireless persuasion (or the 2009 Bordeaux) worked, because my friend finally exclaimed, "So where can I find a woman with whom I would want to spend the rest of my life?" Eureka! We finally had a break-through.
So let me start by identifying one place where you have no chance of finding her — alone in your house. Slurping down newly delivered ramen and watching a soccer match, even if it is World Cup, will not bring you even a step closer to finding your love interest. Likewise, going out nightly and not noticing or not wishing to notice women who are right next to you will not find you love. So where and how does one look?
- Hang Out At Local Coffee Shops: Have you ever seen a Starbucks on a Sunday Morning? It looks like an invasion of the Walking Dead who sip their lattes in front of their Macs without as much as acknowledging each other or the world outside the glass walls. Try to say hello to a woman at the next table. Ask her questions about what she's reading/watching/typing. Ask her if she lives nearby. Ask her if she prefers roses or tulips. Ask her anything, as long as you ask her. You will never know where a simple "Hi, is that the newest book in a series of…." may lead you.
- Get A Hobby: Find an activity that interests you and join a class/group/trip. If you like photography, find a local photo club. If you like the arts, buy a ticket to a ballet/concert/theater. There are more than plenty of women in each of those spots and activities.
- Get Off The Internet: It is perfectly normal to post your profile on dating sites. However, they are not meant to be virtual black holes in themselves. The ultimate goal of a dating site is a meeting in person. What have you got to lose? An hour of your time? Have you had a previous bad experience where the women you met were not what you expected? Then try to be more selective next time. When in doubt, ask to meet for coffee during the day. This way your encounter can be as brief or as long as you want it to be. You can always use the excuse of going back to work, if you must. But you never know; you may just wish to stay a bit longer.
- Hire A Matchmaker: That is an easy one. It's almost like having women fall on top of your head without you even trying. A matchmaker will do the work for you and find you a woman that you desire. And if the first one does not work, try again. That's what the matchmaker is there for.
- Look Everywhere And Anywhere: You never know when a chance encounter may turn into a lifetime relationship. So as you sit down for lunch, look around. As you shop for groceries, look around. As you are crossing the street, stop texting for a few seconds and look around. If you don't, you just might miss a chance to meet and say the first hello to a woman of your dreams.