Are you ready to know the "Why!" of his cheating?
After the initial shock of finding out that he cheated, you may sit and wonder, “WHY!” Understanding the reason why he cheated on you can help you a great deal in your healing. The problem is that it’s not always easy to figure out what lead him to his betrayal.
Why Men Cheat
He might have told you that the reason why he cheated was because he wasn’t in love with you anymore or the relationship just wasn’t working out. The reality is that the relationship and you weren’t the issue.
Men cheat because of some other issue that has nothing to do with you. They have an internal conflict that makes them want to run away from reality. The reality they are running from unfortunately includes you in it, which is why it seems as though it’s you that he is running away from.
Cheating Is an Ineffective Coping Skill
Men have an affair because they don’t know how to cope with a situation. When they don’t know how to cope, they run to something that relieves the stress they feel. An affair is a fantasy world that they run to when times are hard for them.
The affair becomes an addiction, much like drugs and alcohol. It helps them forget and it calms them. When they are with the person they have chosen to use in this way, it’s as if the other world that they live in, also known as reality, doesn’t exist. Combine that with sexual activity and he is care free.
Help Yourself Understand Why He Cheating
Think back to the way he was before the affair and how he used to handle difficult situations.
• Did he run from them or take on a habit during a crisis?
• Did he start smoking or drinking during a particular difficult time in his life?
• How else did he cope when he couldn’t handle life?
While using drugs, smoking and alcohol aren’t prerequisites to cheating, it does indicate that he could have unhealthy, ineffective coping skills. His inability to cope effectively with stress is what could have led him to his affair that you now must endure the pain of.
The Purpose of Knowing Why
When you know why he started having an affair, you can start to release the blame you have on yourself. You didn’t cause him to run away from his problems. He chose to run away from them and use this way to cope.
If he were better able to handle the stress in his life, and seek help from you, a friend, or family member, he wouldn’t have betrayed you like he has. No matter what he says to you, the reason for his infidelity is not you. It’s him.
Once you know why he cheated on you, it'll be much easier to start the healing process. Visit Relationship Repair and download a free guide, "Is He Cheating On You?" that will help you through your recovery. Free relationship advice also available!