If it feels too good to be true, it probably is.
I’ve had plenty of experience with players. Working on horse farms in my twenties there were tons of footloose and fancy free men and women enjoying the free spirited life of travel. Being a new girl at work in a different country, I was inundated with attention which I would never get at home. Back there I was just another Irish girl, but here romance was fast, heated and exciting — and it faded just as quickly.
A friend once said to me while working in the states that her mum told her “the scum comes to the surface first”. I thought this was extremely funny at the time, but when I actually thought about it, she was probably on the right track. Players are ALWAYS the first on the scene, and they aren't planning to commit to a relationship with you anytime soon.
But now I’ve learned to see them coming from a mile away. Let me explain how he works, so you don’t ever get fooled again.
1. He’s super charming
He is generally good looking and he knows it. At the drop of a hat, he’s ready to swoop in like nothing you ever experienced before. He’ll make you laugh, drown you in compliments, talk about family and babies if he believes that will appeal to you. He is an amazing flirt and smothers you with affection. It’s obvious too — even though you know he is bad for you, you think you can beat him at his own game.
2. The chemistry is undeniable
The chemistry is instantly strong and he knows he has you without making a single move. Being emotionally intoxicated by him is all part of the plan.
Didn’t you notice it when he flipped the dating rule book around onto you? Instead of you playing hard to get, he beat you to the punch and made YOU do the pursuing. And the “let’s be exclusive” talk is obviously out of the question — typically your relationship stays a secret so he doesn’t have to make a commitment.
You both probably moved pretty fast, too. Sleeping with him on the first night is totally okay in his book. He’ll even call you back the next day without a hitch.
3. He can't be reached
There is no bigger sign of guy’s intentions with you than what he does between your dates. Players typically give you enough communication to hang on and hope that things will change and bring you closer. He’ll say something like “when I get a job closer” or “when I’m less busy we can be together more”. Don’t be fooled by his antics. Chances are he’ll drop you before he even thinks about getting a job that’s better for your relationship.
4. No isn’t in his vocabulary
The more you say no, the more he’s going to try to charm his way into bed with you. Maybe he’ll get you a hotter purse or that new set of heels you’ve been eying — anything that results in good times for him.
Relationships with players never seem to leave the bedroom. Nope — you don’t meet his friends and you certainly won’t meet his family. He’ll bring you out for expensive meals and you might stay in gorgeous hotel rooms, but when you really need him, he won’t be there.
5. It feels too good to be true
The old saying is true — it probably IS too good to be true. If it all feels like one big whirlwind, a pure adrenaline rush — if the sex is fantastic but you are missing that connection, heed the warning. The higher the high, the lower the low.
Recognize the signs and drop the player before he drops you. Instead, wait it out for someone that’s willing to put in the time and commitment with you. Wasting your time with a player just keeps you from finding a real, meaningful and loving relationship with an awesome guy.