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Why You Shouldn't Take Everything So Personally


Why You Shouldn't Take Everything So Personally
Take a chill pill.

In the middle of a serious conversation a few weeks ago, my husband got up to get himself a cup of water. I was incensed! Here we were, having this serious discussion and he has a sudden urge for water that he couldn't control? In a fury I tell him, "I would never have done that to you!"

I felt totally dismissed by him. You know what else he does? He sleeps when he is tired, and he goes to the bathroom when he has the urge. For women … these actions are revolutionary. For men, setting aside these needs would be insanity.

More from YourTango: Divorce…the Gift that Keeps on Giving! Part 5

I also would never get up and go to the bathroom … if I'm in the middle of talking with a friend, client, family member, business meeting, working on a project, yoga, or even while the cat is on my lap! I wait until the last possible minute. I tell myself, "I have self-control and besides, I am too busy."

Forgiveness lesson number one: I had unreasonable expectations of my husband. Men do not think the same way women think (thankfully), and I had to take responsibility for my projection of him not loving me because he was thirsty.

Women were taught to put their needs aside. In fact, motherhood is the epitome of putting other's first. And it doesn't just end with motherhood. In fact, we'lll risk contracting a bladder infection rather than getting our needs met. Everyone else's needs comes first, our children's needs, spouse's needs, boss's needs, co-worker's needs, parent's needs and yes, even the cat's needs!

I know that this is a huge difference between men and women. Men will not "hold it in!" When I'm hungry and don't eat, I become … well you know what! Men actually want us to take care of ourselves and get our needs met and this martyrdom of "holding it in" is, quite frankly, insanity.

More from YourTango: Divorce…the Gift that Keeps on Giving! Part 4

I was talking to my friend Veeanna recently about our "shoulds" concerning our physical needs, and we agreed that somewhere along the way we took on the belief that it is rude to walk out of a meeting,or leave while working on our own projects, even when we have to pee! Really? Where does that come from? This black and white, right-wrong thinking just doesn't work! Especially in relationships with other people! Men understand getting their needs met. When will we? Keep reading ...

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