How quitting online dating services actually helped me find my husband.
Over a four year period, I was on almost every dating site online, not at the same time, but I tried most all of them at least once. Mostly, I frequented Match.com and eHarmony. I totally bought the eHarmony story about the science of compatibility. To be honest I still do. What I appreciated about Match.com was the immediate gratification.
Now don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t active in online dating for four years straight. I was on and off. I took my profile down for months at a time while I was dating someone or just taking a breather. However, for the most part, those years of my life were largely dominated by my online dating experiences, which to be clear, were mostly terrible.
My first online match up heartbreak was a product of Eharmony. The science of compatibility matched me with several wonderful prospects. I was instantly attracted to what I have to believe was the rotten apple in the bunch. He said all the right things, in our “getting to know you” email period. He must have been some sort of psychic mind reading expert, because this guy couldn’t have answered those questions better if he’d hired my best friend to write them for him. He said he was a chef and wanted to start a "meals for the homeless program." He talked about his the light of his life being his two little girls and how they inspired him. He shared stories of fatherhood that would have melted the hardest of hearts, but brought this single mother to tears. He said he wrote poetry.
I ended up in a relationship with that man. In reality he wasn't a chef. He was a hobbyist, bad cook, who’d dropped out of culinary school. He was an unemployed truck driver. He didn’t have custody or even regularly visitation with his kids. He didn’t write poetry. He couldn’t spell. He was a pathological liar, with serious mental health issues. Eharmony failed. I decided not to trust the science of compatibility to an algorithm. Keep reading...
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