You’ve got to understand how his head works - which by the way, is not the same way yours does.
I started out writing this article as a comparison between training your man and training your puppy. Then I realized that even though I don’t mean it that way, there is no possible way to make that comparison without someone, or almost everyone thinking I’m comparing men to dogs or insinuating men are stupid.
They aren’t. For the record, I think men are way smarter then most women give them credit for. I also think the thing men and dogs have most in common is a very high code of loyalty.
That said, Man Training 101 is still not unlike Puppy School. In Puppy School you get trained up as a human on how to think like your beloved puppy and act appropriately as an alpha pack mate. If you’re going to train your man to treat you the way you’d like to be treated, the same thing applies. You’ve got to understand how his head works - which by the way, is not the same way a woman’s head works.
So, here are the first five steps to training your man.
1. Ignore bad behavior. Don’t make a fuss. Ignore the bad behavior and ignore him too. A man’s brain is not programmed to listen to a woman carry on about what he’s done wrong. We know from experience men mostly tune that out. What he is programmed to notice is your absence. So, if he messes up and all of the sudden you aren’t around for awhile, that will get his attention. Sometimes awhile means a few minutes, sometimes much longer. After reappearing on his radar you get the opportunity to let him know, he did xyz and you won’t be hanging around for that in the future either.
2. Catch your man doing something, anything right, and reward and praise, reward and praise, reward and praise. Seriously, men are wired to want to please. The best way to train a man to please you is by making a big freakin deal out of it when it happens. Treats in all forms are appreciated. The more praise the more good behavior.
3. Use fewer words. When you’re trying to train a man to do something or stop doing something, tell him what you’d like him to be doing, in as few words as possible. Don’t go on to explain yourself unless he asks for an explanation. If he messes up again, repeat the very same few words again. Repetition is key. Don’t get pissed. Don’t raise your voice. Calmly tell him what you’d like him to do, in fewer words then you’d normally want to use. Be prepared to be patient and don’t expect him to be a mind reader. He isn’t.
4. A chased dog always runs. We all had the miserable experience of a dog gone loose and having to chase after a dog we aren’t going to catch, praying for mercy or a miracle. The same applies to men. You have to get out in front of them or persuade them to come to you because you have something they don’t have and they want. Men need breathing room and if they don’t get enough training will fail. You’ve got to keep them guessing to keep them wanting more.
5. Don’t get a man if you don’t have the time to devote to training. Obviously some men require more training and others less. However, all women are different, so no matter what, he’s going to need to learn how you want to be treated. If you don’t have the time or energy to invest in a relationship, don’t hop in haphazardly. You won’t get the behavior you want or the love you’re looking for.
Lisa Hayes C.Ht. is the author of the book, How to Escape from Relationship Hell. She is also the host of The Relationship RX Show. For more information and resources about marriage and relationships visit www.escapefromrelationshiphell.com or subscribe to her FREE newsletter Relationship RX.