The Importance Of Breaking Up With Your Ex

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getting over an ex
Do you maintain emotional ties to a relationship that already ended?

When I first heard the phrase 'break up with your ex,' it made no sense to me. I thought, "If someone is your ex, then you've already broken up…" But have you really? How often do we recognize a relationship is not healthy, but hang on anyway? We wait, holding our hearts hostage, for our exes to realize either how great we are or how stupid they were.

There is nothing inherently wrong with waiting, as long as you are sure this is the person you want in your life. But if you ask yourself the question, "Is this who I want in my life if she or he never changes? If she or he stays exactly the same, is this the person I want for my forever partner?" If the answer to those questions is yes, then wait. You will wait until the pain of waiting exceeds your fear of change.

But for the rest of you who may be in greater pain and ready to take a long, hard look in the mirror, you may realize the healthiest thing for you to do is to really break up with your ex. Stop calling. Stop texting. Stop driving by his house, his job or his hangouts. Stop stalking on Facebook. Stop torturing yourself. Ask yourself, "Do I really want this person if she or he stays exactly the same?" If you realize the answer is no, it's time to break up for real! Keep reading...

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Kim Olver

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Kim Olver, LCPC, has been featured in Whole Living, Women's World, Fitness Magazine and Counseling Today and is the best-selling, award winning author of Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life.

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Location: Country Club Hills (Chicago), IL
Credentials: LCPC, MS, NCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women
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