Why You Should Be Friends First, Scientifically Speaking

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beer toast male female friends
Why a foundation of friendship might just be the key to lasting love.

It's February, the month of love! In an article published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, researchers found that couples who value their friendship over other aspects of their relationships report greater romance and sexual satisfaction over couples who look to their partners mostly for sexual gratification.

This probably doesn't surprise anyone but it's great to have the research to back it up. But why do you think a friendship with your significant other will actually increase the odds you will have long-lasting love?

When I surveyed 100 happy couples for my book, Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life, friendship and quality time together are in the top 20 factors the couples themselves said are important to their relationship success. Adding those two responses together, 70 percent of respondents found those to be important factors.

When I think of reasons people cheat, I often hear things like, "She never supports me." "He didn't want to spend time with me." "She doesn't understand me." "He never really listens when I talk to him." "I don't even think s/he likes me." "S/he is always complaining."

Aren't all these statements really the opposite of the core of friendship? Think about how you are with your friends. You tell each other everything (are there things you keep secret from your partner?). You look forward to being together (are there times you dread spending time with your partner?). You freely give your time, energy and attention to your friends (do you do the same with your partner?).

It's rare that we criticize our friends. In fact, we often do the opposite. We really listen to them, attempting as best we can to understand their position. Even when we think our friend might be wrong, we defend him or her, nonetheless. We would never publically put down our friends. We support them through dark times and encourage them to always be the person they are meant to be. (In order to get a blueprint for being the person you want to be in relationships, my eBook on Relationships from the InsideOut is on sale this month at The Relationship Center. Check it out.) Keep reading ...

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Kim Olver

Speaker/Presenter

Kim Olver, LCPC, has been featured in Whole Living, Women's World, Fitness Magazine and Counseling Today and is the best-selling, award winning author of Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life.

Connect with Kim by signing up for her FREE InsideOut Relationship Advice Newsletter and receive a FREE recording about our Life Changing Process, InsideOut Empowerment and have access to FREE relationship assessments.

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Location: Country Club Hills (Chicago), IL
Credentials: LCPC, MS, NCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women
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