People say relationships are hard, and ... they are! But they are not that hard. We've all been in a variety of relationships, and they range from "not so great" to "what was I thinking", to "my God, I learned a lot". Then, when it's finally our time, we find a good one. A really good one. The difference between a crappy relationship and a healthy one feels like night and day.
Adjusting into a new relationship takes work. Old patterns that you had in unhealthy relationships may flare up from time to time, because they are, in fact, habits you've created. Even in the healthiest of relationships doubt and sabotage are not uncommon. However, the more you recognize the ways in which your relationship is healthy, the better off you both will be. It can be scary to put yourself out there and open up your heart again after you've been burned. Let me ease your worries just a bit by sharing five ways to know you've found a good one.
You Like His Friends
An ex once said to me, "You don't like my friends, and I don't understand yours." That pretty much summed up our relationship: After all, you are the company you keep. If you don't like your man's group of friends, chances are you eventually will not care all that much for your man either. Friends are important, and unlike family, they are the people we actually get to choose to be around. You don't need to like all the same people, but it's helpful if you at least like some.
He Follows Through
Dr. Pat Allen says that one of the only ways you can tell if someone is trustworthy, is if they do what they say they are going to do. Having a man who follows through on what he says is one of the most helpful attributes you can find. Imagine not having to worry or nag or check up on your man. Ladies, this is called being an adult, so find a man who is one. Your life will thank you for it.
He Shows You He Cares
If you read The 5 Love Languages, you can learn a lot about expression affection — I highly recommend it. Not everyone feels and gives love in the same way; some people show their love through gifts, others feel loved through affection. Reading this book can help you identify the ways in which you feel most loved, and recognize the ways in which your man shows you love. You can have further conversations from there, as long as you recognize that he indeed shows you he cares in his own way.
He Wants You Around
One of the Love Languages is Quality Time. While it may not be either of your top Love Languages, time spent together is important. If your man is OK with you not being around or doesn't make an effort to be around himself, it may be time to look for someone else. Time together, especially time without friends and family, helps build not only a bond, but a foundation from which your relationship can grow. There will come a time when it is going to be just the two of you more often than not, so it's best you get to know and enjoy each other now.
There are some really great guys out there who are just not ready. Maybe they are focused on their business, health or healing from a past relationship. Regardless of what they are going through, if a man isn't ready, he isn't ready. This doesn't mean he is a bad guy. It just means he is not your guy, at least not right now. So many women try to push men to want what they want. If this is you, try and let him go. He may come back around, and if he doesn't you've got to believe that there is someone better suited for you. Love always comes when you least expect it.
I'd love to hear from you! In the comments below share with me how you know you've found a good one! I'd love to put one of your tips in my next blog. Part 2 perhaps? Keep on loving, because a happy and healthy relationship is one of the greatest gifts you are given!
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