Move on. Seriously.
You’ve invested time. You’ve opened up about things that you thought you would never share with anyone. You’ve given SO much energy to this relationship with this guy. But now, in the back of your mind, there are little feelers scurrying about — thoughts whispering, “has this relationship run its course? Is it time for me to move on?”
This is a hard question because there are so many emotions involved. Use the following cues to help you know when to break up with someone, but before I begin, remember the golden breakup rule:
End things if you are no longer happy in your relationship and if you have little reason to believe you will be any time soon.
Your happiness as an individual is the end-all and be-all of why you do what you do. Presumably, you began this relationship because it, in some way, contributed to your happiness. When that is at risk, you should seriously consider moving on with your life.
Consider the following 5 “cues” for determining when it just might be time to break it off:
1. He is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive.
Abusive behavior of ANY kind — verbal, emotional, or physical — is absolutely unacceptable. You should certainly leave an abusive relationship and take proper measures to ensure your safety during the break-up process.
2. He betrays your trust.
This is an obvious one, but I will still mention it. If a guy cheats on you while both of you are in a committed relationship, you should not hesitate to irreverently and unapologetically dump him and move on with your life. If he cheats once, he will most certainly cheat again. It just isn’t something you need in your life.
3. You only feel his love and support during the good times.
When you are happy or excited about something, it is only natural to feel like the people around you love and support you. But what about when you're “down in the dumps” or have a severe case of the blues? Do you still feel like your significant other is there for you?
If not, then there’s a reason why you feel that way: he doesn’t love you as much as he used to. Again, this is a tell-tale sign that it’s time to move on from the relationship.
4. You're not personally growing as a result of the relationship.
You should be in a relationship that will contribute to your growth as an individual — a relationship that is positive for you (mostly, at least), not negative. So if you discover that your relationship starts to stunt your advancement and growth as an individual, consider the possibility that the relationship really isn’t doing anything for you.
5. Your friends and family think he isn’t good for you.
This is a tricky one — and it’s NOT a hard-and-fast rule. Generally, if your close friends and family — who have known you for quite some time — don’t think he’s good for you, then it’s quite possible that they see something you don't. And if they think you should end the relationship, at least be sure to listen and keep an open mind.
Just remember, if you don’t consistently wake up excited to see and spend time with him, then this is likely your mind's subtle way of telling you the relationship does not meet your needs.
A relationship won’t always be sparks and fireworks, but if you wake up day after day with little to no excitement over your significant other, consider it a hint that it’s time to move on.
Kelly P. Crossing is an experienced counselor and relationship expert who specializes in helping women build the lives and relationships they want. For a glimpse into your needs, take the free NeedsExplorer survey now. To learn more about Kelly and how she can help you, click here.