If you are suffering from a broken heart or still carrying a shield over you heart to protect it from being broken again, Listen Up! Many of the women who come to me for help say something to the affect of “ I don’t’ ever want that to happen again1” How can I ever trust myself again”. Or, something like “ I am done with relationships, it’s just not worth the pain”. My response is two fold. Learning how to be discerning and not allow yourself to fall for someone when red flags are waving is one element that helps with this. Just as important though is to be able to recover from your experience and move on in a healthy way. When I first experienced having my heart broken I reacted as many of my clients do. Never doing that again! The result of this choice led me to many years of unhappiness on the romantic front I am afraid. It became apparent to me that I need to make a change and that is when I decided to take the risk and open my heart to love. I knew I wanted to have the full experience of life and so let go of my fears and opened my heart.
Did I find my happily ever after. No, my heart got broken again. This time though instead of hiding myself away I allowed myself to feel the pain and go through the process of healing by loving myself and being honest about what had happened in the relationship. Love is always a two way street and I knew then that part of the brokenness had come because we were not right for each other. I learned that loving someone is not enough to make a relationship last. I also learned that I COULD recover and after the pain had subsided come out the other side with new insights and awareness that I couldn’t have gotten any other way.
The paradox of healthfully healing from a broken heart is to allow your self to feel it without allowing yourself to get lost in the drama. Take your attention off the other person and put it on yourself. Feel the true feelings of anger and hurt. Scream, shout and find a good shoulder to cry on.
Then slowly bring your attention and your heart back to the present. Take time to practice some excellent self- care with an extra dose of self-love. Do things you enjoy with family and friends. Then, when you are ready, take a look at what you have learned. What was your part in the experience? Were there red flags you missed? Is there something you could have done differently? If so don’t beat up on yourself, make some changes in your thinking and behavior.
Take in the learning and use it to move forward with the kind of wisdom that only comes from experience. When you do this, your heart will be ready to be open and to confidently invite someone new into your life. Your happily ever after, like mine will be sustainable because you now know you can trust yourself no matter what happens.