Community Blog: When There's No Chemistry On A Date


Community Blog: When There's No Chemistry On A Date

We all know that online dating is a numbers game. There are some who get lucky in love right away, and others that have an on-again off-again love affair with online dating for years.

My mother raised me to be polite on a date. Even if there was no magic or chemistry, she told me that sometimes it takes more than one date to know if there is a connection or not. "Perhaps they will have a friend they can introduce you to," she would say. She always told me to be on my best behavior. My mother is a wise woman. First Date Conversation Topics

More from YourTango: 10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Even experts such as Dr. Pat Allen, author of Getting to I Do, and Dr. Helen Fisher, who created the personality profile for believe that both men and women need to give each other time to get to know each other and not jump to conclusions in the first few minutes and push the emotional delete button.

Sometimes conversations on a date are so forced it is uncomfortable. Usually this will come to the surface on a pre-date phone call, where you can take a pass on moving to a physical date.  Still, I believe it is best to be polite, exit the date when it is over, and thank the other party for taking the time to meet.

So just when did it become acceptable to tell a date while they are sipping their champagne or nibbling on their pasta that you have no chemistry with them? Just what is the point of insulting someone who took the time from their busy schedule to meet you to say, "I'm just not that into you?" Who said that magic connection had to be instant? 5 Acceptable First Date Lies

I am bringing this up because just recently a successful handsome man told an attractive woman in the middle of their date they she just didn't do it for him. The woman was stunned. He was lucky she didn't spill the remainder of her half-filled glass of champagne in his face. Her Inbox was full of potential male suitors, yet this man felt the need to tell a woman he just met that he felt nothing for her whatsoever. He claimed there was no chemistry.

It can go both ways with a woman delivering the message as well, but is it right? I can't imagine any man or woman would want to be insulted on a date.

More from YourTango: 10 Dos and Don'ts for Using Social Media to Find a Date

Dating is tricky. Chemistry can be instant or grow over time. Call me old-fashioned, but I'll take my mother's dating advice to heart and remain polite on every date.

Julie Spira is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Julie Spira

Dating Coach

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert, bestselling author, dating advice columnist and coach, and media personality.  She's the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and is writing The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Digital Manners. Julie's been featured and quoted over 500 times in the news for her expertise on online dating and relationships including ABC News, BBC, CBS CNN, Cosmpolitan, E! Entertainment, ELLE, FOX, Galtime, Glamour, iVillage, Los Angeles Times, Mashable, Men's Fitness, Men's Health, New York Post, New York Times, Psychology Today, WIRED and Woman's Day. Her dating advice has appeared on eHarmony, JDate, Match, and Zoosk. Visit Cyber-Dating and share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and Like Julie on Facebook.

Sign up for your Free eBook and audio bonus, The 5 Secrets to Finding Love Online and the Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Julie Spira:

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten


If you’ve met a guy online, swiped right on Tinder for a mutual match, or met through friends IRL, there’s nothing more exciting than the beginning of a new relationship. With the abundance of dates and new fresh faces in his inbox daily, how do you know if you’re guy is really into you and if you’re heading in the right direction? ... Read more

10 Dos and Don'ts for Using Social Media to Find a Date


We know that singles are joining online dating sites in record numbers, but did you know that your social media presence might help, or hinder your chances to find your dream date? In a recent Pew Research Center’s Internet Project, their findings showed that 30% of social networking users user social media to get information about someone they were ... Read more

He Texts Me Daily...Are We In A Relationship?


Dear Julie, I met this wonderful guy online and we connected on our first date. Yes, it was exciting to have chemistry and we kissed at the end of the date. By the time I got home, my new guy had already sent me a text message saying how much he enjoyed our date and wanted to get together again. I went to sleep with a smile on my face. Suddenly, he ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
coming out

Coming Out In A Marriage: 6 Unrealistic Expectations

When a spouse comes out, a lot of stuff hits the fan.

Marriage: How To Grow Your Marriage

Spring Has Sprung: Why It's Time To 'Water' Your Marriage

Are you tending your marriage or are you letting weeds overtake it? Here are the habits of growing


Finding A Husband By Dating 3 Men At The Same Time

5 benefits of dating more than one man at a time!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>