Community Blog: When There's No Chemistry On A Date


Community Blog: When There's No Chemistry On A Date

We all know that online dating is a numbers game. There are some who get lucky in love right away, and others that have an on-again off-again love affair with online dating for years.

My mother raised me to be polite on a date. Even if there was no magic or chemistry, she told me that sometimes it takes more than one date to know if there is a connection or not. "Perhaps they will have a friend they can introduce you to," she would say. She always told me to be on my best behavior. My mother is a wise woman. First Date Conversation Topics

Even experts such as Dr. Pat Allen, author of Getting to I Do, and Dr. Helen Fisher, who created the personality profile for believe that both men and women need to give each other time to get to know each other and not jump to conclusions in the first few minutes and push the emotional delete button.

Sometimes conversations on a date are so forced it is uncomfortable. Usually this will come to the surface on a pre-date phone call, where you can take a pass on moving to a physical date.  Still, I believe it is best to be polite, exit the date when it is over, and thank the other party for taking the time to meet.

So just when did it become acceptable to tell a date while they are sipping their champagne or nibbling on their pasta that you have no chemistry with them? Just what is the point of insulting someone who took the time from their busy schedule to meet you to say, "I'm just not that into you?" Who said that magic connection had to be instant? 5 Acceptable First Date Lies

I am bringing this up because just recently a successful handsome man told an attractive woman in the middle of their date they she just didn't do it for him. The woman was stunned. He was lucky she didn't spill the remainder of her half-filled glass of champagne in his face. Her Inbox was full of potential male suitors, yet this man felt the need to tell a woman he just met that he felt nothing for her whatsoever. He claimed there was no chemistry.

It can go both ways with a woman delivering the message as well, but is it right? I can't imagine any man or woman would want to be insulted on a date.

Dating is tricky. Chemistry can be instant or grow over time. Call me old-fashioned, but I'll take my mother's dating advice to heart and remain polite on every date.

Julie Spira is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at

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Julie Spira

Dating Coach

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert, bestselling author, dating advice columnist and coach, and media personality.  She's the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and is writing The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Digital Manners. Julie's been featured and quoted over 500 times in the news for her expertise on online dating and relationships including ABC News, BBC, CBS CNN, Cosmpolitan, E! Entertainment, ELLE, FOX, Galtime, Glamour, iVillage, Los Angeles Times, Mashable, Men's Fitness, Men's Health, New York Post, New York Times, Psychology Today, WIRED and Woman's Day. Her dating advice has appeared on eHarmony, JDate, Match, and Zoosk. Visit Cyber-Dating and share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and Like Julie on Facebook.

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Location: Los Angeles, CA
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