Feel Meh About A Guy You're Dating? Don't Throw Him Away

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You never know when he might be useful to you.

How good are you at dating? Answer this question to find out. If you were invited to a singles party, where you could only come if you brought a thoroughly desirable opposite sex friend with you, who would you invite? Would you have several candidates you could call? If not, you're making a cardinal dating mistake — you're burning your bridges. 

I've got a signature dating event that I often include in my VIP Matchmaking Client's search program. It's called Conversational Quickies. It's always a hit, and it's always fruitful — meaning it's always resulted in at least one love connection.

 

The concept is simple, and you can create this event on your own if you like. There are 16 men and 16 women who are seated at tables of 8 with a series of rotations. So everyone gets to meet and interact in a meaningful way with each opposite-sex guest at the event. We engage in meaty, substantive discussion over fun, enlivening and sometimes provocative table topics, and the experience is anything but ordinary.

There's only one catch — each person who attends the event is required to bring a thoroughly scrumptious opposite sex "plus one" to share with the group. And I'm shocked and amazed at how many of my really wonderful matchmaking clients, referral members and single pals don't get to come to the event because "I don't have anyone to bring with me."

What? Huh? How could someone be actively out there in the dating world, meeting candidates all the time and yet have no one to bring as a desirable Plus One for this rare and delicious singles event? My guess? They're burning their bridges and they're missing all kinds of opportunities.

If you're single and actively dating, do this test with me. Take a look through your calendar over the past 6 - 12 months and write down the names of ALL of the first dates you've had. How many second dates did you have? How many third dates?  Ideally, at least 50% of your first dates resulted in at least a second date. That means you're doing a good job of screening, vetting and presenting yourself authentically, and it shows that you're doing a fine job of being "a great date."

What happens in your world when you meet someone who's not quite the right romantic fit for you? Do you drop this person like a hot potato? Do you disappear and ignore follow up calls and invitations? If so, oh my goodness, we need to fix that.  If your instinctive response when you meet someone who's not right for you is to say "NEXT!", you are burning your bridges and I know for sure that you're missing out on some great opportunities in your dating life.

I went on a blind date years ago with a guy named Matt who was clearly not my guy.  He was nice enough, but I couldn't muster up any romantic chemistry for him, even after several dates, and I remember fretting over how to let him down easy. I did manage to find the words to say, and he handled it well.  Well enough that we remained friendly, and I later invited him to my singles parties and he invited me to his. And do you know what? Matt introduced me to his cousin, whom I dated for quite a while and I so appreciated that introduction.

Now, I ask you, if I'd slinked away, avoided Matt's calls, or burned the bridge by dismissing him in a harsh, cavalier way, could I have ever met his cousin? Nope. No way, no how. Matt and I are still friends today, and he's become one of my treasured keepsakes from my dating adventures. Just last month, I contributed $50 to his favorite charity, and he made my son's day last week when he purchased one of his new skateboard videos. Matt and I didn't burn the bridge we'd started building while dating — we just changed the destination for where that bridge was headed and we have been reinforcing it ever since.

Along your dating journey, when you stumble upon a lovely person who doesn't seem to be The One for you, practice the art of spinning; simply re-categorizing that person in your mind as a new friend, a valuable new connection and a worthy addition to your social network. And then before you know it, you'll have enough great single pals in your world to throw your own Plus One party.

This will be just one more strategy for your Romance Marketing Plan. Strategically place yourself where you can be found by registering privately with us here, to be eligible for personal matchmaking referrals throughout the U.S., Canada and beyond.

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Article contributed by

Julie Ferman

Dating Coach

Julie Ferman, Founder

www.JulieFerman.com

Awarded Best Matchmaker: 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010 by iDate and Online Personals Watch

Location: Westlake Village, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Life Management, Matchmaking
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