Are you guilty of stifling your guy's desire to communicate his emotions?
Many articles have been written on the subject, so here is my two cents. I heard someone perfectly define the differences between men and woman as "men bottle and women pour". How true! Men keep things in and women let it out.
Men are taught, whether explicitly or implicitly to "suck it up". Sharing or even acknowledging his feeling is not considered "manly". Somehow there is the twisted notion that this is something women do, to the point where it is called getting in touch with your "feminine side".
How does showing ones emotion get acquainted with only women? Either way, this is not to say men don't show emotion but they tend to limit it to two feelings — anger and joy. Men don't often regard their other emotions. They have them but they have no clue what to do with them so they are express their emotions through the two that they are taught. But then men don't share these feelings and emotions and women wonder why.
Here is the answer: they don't express their emotions as freely as women because when they do, it is used against them. The result is that they don't feel like they can trust anyone to share their feelings with. You'll be surprised but many of us women set it up for the men to bottle their feelings. Have you ever experienced this? Your man decides to open up and show his emotional side. And what do you do? You store it to use as ammunition the next time something doesn't go your way or you feel hurt. By using their feelings against them, we give them reasons not to trust us with their emotions.
Men who become comfortable with expressing their emotions, without being affected by the opinions of others, will attract the right woman. A woman who can appreciate him and who he can trust. So, how can you become the "right" women, the type whom he can trust and actually wants to share with? Check out the five characteristics below.
1. Understand Mens Feelings
You have to believe that men have feelings too. Get rid of the notion that they don't. When you begin to acknowledge your mans real feelings, you can better respect them.
2. Get Over The Past
If you were hurt by man/men before, you may be hesitant to trust. But just because someone once hurt you doesn't mean mean all men will hurt you. So when your guy opens opens up to you, don't use the past to grill him or start a fight.
3. Be Open
Allow him to express himself without judgment. When he shares his emotion, treat it as if it was from one of your "besties". Treat him and his feelings with respect, and don't store it to use it against him.
4. Be Warm
Let him come to you first. You may notice something is wrong but asking him how he feels will likely not get you an answer, especially because sometimes men don't really understand what they are feeling. Once he comes to you to share, make sure you listen and don't judge him.
5. Trust Yourself
Trust yourself and you will be able to create an environment of trust that he will be comfortable and feel at ease to express himself. When you are comfortable with yourself and your place in his life, you will have an easier time respectfully listening and not making plans to use his words against him.
Are you creating an open and trustworthy environment for him to share his feelings? Think about that the next time you want your man to share his feelings with you!
More effective communication advice on YourTango:
- The Key To Effective Communication
- Say What?: Effective Communication For Your Love Life
- Online Dating Tips For Single Men