Is this person really worth your time?
Your time is valuable and your heart is worth protecting. With the large availability of dating sites and resources to help us find our soul mate, we must learn how to quickly determine if the person we are currently dating is even capable of building a meaningful and lasting relationship.
Use this checklist of questions to identify possible red flags.
If, in the first couple of dates, ANY of these warning signs show up, run the other way!
- Is he married or otherwise unavailable to commit to me?
- Is he controlling, rude, or disrespectful toward others or me?
- Does he react to frustration with anger, rage, blame?
- Does he "love bomb" you to the point of cyber stalking?
- Does he drink too much?
- Does he have a substance or behavior (sex, gambling) addiction that he rationalizes as "not a problem"?
- Does he ask and talk about personal sexual habits and preferences?
- Does he send suggestive or nude pictures and asks me to reciprocate?
- Does he initiate a first kiss by cornering me?
- Does his behavior often change or inconsistent?
- Does he say he wants to be my friend first, but invades personal and sexual boundaries?
- Is he immature, impulsive or irresponsible?
- Is he emotionally distant, aloof or hollow?
- Is he always talking about his Ex or Exes?
- Does he want me to make their sad life better?
- Is he pessimistic and negative about things that matter to me?
- Does he lacks integrity in dealing with people, money, etc.?
- Is he unwilling to self-examine, accept feedback, take responsibility?
- Does he miss dates without rescheduling in advance?
- Does he seem too good to be true?
- Does he often go through an emotional roller coaster with recurring or regular emotional drama?
- Does he talk too much about himself and monopolizes conversation or acts too withdrawn?
Next, check in with how your gut instincts react to your date:
Are any of these things true?
- "This isn’t what I really want, but I also don’t want to be alone."
- "I don’t feel proud of this person to introduce to my friends or family."
- "I want to rescue, help, improve, or change this person."
- "I’m acting more needy, clingy or different with this person than I normally do."
- "Something about them makes me freak out or triggers panic."
- "I feel frustrated or confused with him."
- "I'm focusing on one important quality (money, sex, fun) and ignoring everything else."
- "I feel desperate."
So, what's the verdict?
If none of these red flags are in place — great! Keep dating this person if you want.
But if one are more are occurring, love yourself enough to walk away and find someone else.
Jianny Adamo, LMHC, founder of Fearless Love Coaching and Counseling supports singles and couples breaking through fears and limitations to create safe and intimate marriages and relationships. Skype and phone consultations available. Jianny is currently writing her book Love Trauma: Recovering from Psychopathic, Narcissistic and Sexual Abuse. 561-450-5580. www.fearlesslove.net. Or find her on Facebook.
This article was originally published at http://www.fearlesslove.net/. Reprinted with permission from the author.