I now pronounce you ... too young to get married.
It’s better to get married in your 30’s. It has to do with maturity. That’s it. But wait … is it really that simple?
A recent study declared that the rate of divorce increases each year for people who get married after the age of 32. Hm, I got married at 35 and so far so good. I have a beautiful one-year-old daughter. Like everything in life, there are pros and cons to the decisions we make.
Our parents generally got married much younger than most people today. They got married in their early/mid twenties and had children soon thereafter.
Today, there are a lot of women who look to get established professionally first and once they are on solid footing career wise, they begin to think about starting a family. Let’s quickly go over some of the common pros to getting married at a younger age.
You can space out the interval between when you have children, thereby making it easier on you financially and emotionally. For example, it’s a lot harder to have two kids less than two years of age than having a five-year-old and a newborn.
All I can tell you as a 39 year-old father of a one-year-old is that I’m tired. The thought of having another child scares the crap out of me, although I would love my daughter to have a sibling. Then, the thought of being 65 when my children are 25 ... I digress.
You’re young and probably not established in your career yet. You probably don’t have a lot of money saved, which you need to raise a child. Diapers and formula are expensive! Most importantly, your probably still pretty immature.
Meaning, if you go out every weekend and drink heavily and hit the clubs ... you’re probably not ready to be married, let alone be a parent.
Getting married in your thirties can mean a few things. Maybe it means that you didn’t panic and you waited for the right person to come along, which means that your chances of not getting divorced are greater.
Maybe it means that you were too picky and passed up a bunch of eligible spouses and now you find yourself in your 30’s and “scrambling” to find Mr./Ms. Right.
Maybe it means you worked hard in your 20’s to establish yourself in your career and now you are in a stable position to get married and start a family. Or, it means you were messing around and not taking life seriously and finally realized that you don’t have much time left to find a viable spouse.
The answer is different for everyone. But, for most people, maturity comes with age.
For example, how many times have you said to yourself, “if I could go back to when I was (fill in the blank age), but knowing what I know now?” I think I just said that to myself yesterday!
You have more life experience in your 30’s than in your 20’s. You should be in more stable financial position even if you’re not so stable in your career. You should have better judgment. You should be more mature.
Not to say there aren’t immature men/women in their 30’s and beyond, but you should be more mature than when you were in your 20’s.
No matter what age you get married, the most important factor is choosing your partner wisely and for the right reasons. Anything else is just a recipe for divorce and a future meeting with me. If you are mature, you will be in a financially capable position to get married.
If you are mature, you will choose your spouse because you can see yourself growing old with that person, not because they drive a nice car. If you are in your 30’s and mature, you will be ready to make the necessary sacrifices to be a parent.
The point of this article is not to disparage people who get married in their 20’s. However, people who get married after the age of 32 should be in a more stable life position, which shields them from the likelihood of ending up in divorce.
With so many of us graduating with astronomical student loans, it makes sense that we want to put our education to good use and experience some success in whatever career we choose.
It’s easier to have healthy children later in life these days. The question is, do you have the energy? Kids are tiring!
Jason Levoy is an attorney who teaches people how to represent themselves in court and navigate the divorce process. He regularly provides free advice via his blog, VIP member newsletter, and free Private Divorce Facebook Group. You can find him at jasonlevoy.com. If you’re thinking about divorce, check out his FREE video course on How To Prepare For Divorce Without An Attorney.