Help! I Want Kids & He Doesn't

Question: I'm in a serious relationship with a guy I really love. He does not want to have kids and I do. What should I do?

Answer: In order to maintain a healthy relationship where both partners feel their needs are being met, each person must be willing to compromise. That said, there are areas where compromise might not be viable. I consider these to be areas of fundamental incompatibility and a strong desire to have or not have kids falls into this category.

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Discuss this issue with him directly. Each of you should candidly share your respective viewpoints and the underpinnings of them. It is possible, for example, that you will discover that the real issue is the timing of having kids rather than the decision to have them.

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If, after discussing the issue openly, there continues to be no consensus on whether having kids is a mutual life goal, you may wish to consider counseling to continue working through the issue together.

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