Looking for happiness in the bottom of a margarita glass or a carton of ice cream:? Read on..
By Jann Glasser — Written on Nov 09, 2016
DON’T WORRY BE HAPPY – BUT HOW??
1. Relationships won’t make you happy.
Your feelings determine your primary emotional state in the relationship, not vice versa. If you’re unhappy inside, you won’t find someone to make you feel better in a relationship, no matter how fabulous they are. Creating your own sense of wellbeing must be your priority. Only then will you find happiness in a relationship.
2. We are all a work in progress.
No one is perfect. The person you imagine to be better and more understanding than who you are currently with doesn’t exist in the way you would like them to. They have issues too — probably ones you can’t even imagine.
3. Perception is reality.
What you know to be true is like a rainbow: It may be true — but only for that moment, soon to disappear from view. Individual truth is not necessarily fixed; it changes based on your personal experience. The same goes for your significant other. If you invalidate the other person’s truth (something that happens far too frequently in relationships), you invalidate their experience and understanding. Nothing will cause withdrawal, attack and defensiveness faster than invalidating another person’s experience of the world. Acknowledging another’s point of view doesn’t mean you agree with it, but that you validate its’ existence. Find a way to validate your partner, and you not only honor them, but you will find them more connected and willing to enhance the relationship.
4. Always take accountability for your part.
If you become angry, disappointed, or sad because of something the other person did or said, instead of making your partner the bad guy, take the opportunity to assume responsibility for your part of what happened. Maybe something triggered your anger? Maybe your expectations were too high - or just maybe you were seeking happiness where it can’t be found (in the other person). All of us fall victim to these relationship blind spots occasionally. Rarely do they have to do with the other person. They can continue to trip you up unless you heighten your awareness of your own internal triggers (what sets you off).
5. Use your attention to inspire positive thinking - place it only where you want to see more of the same.
It’s easy to be negative or condescending. It’s much more challenging — yet much more rewarding — to point out the positives about your partner, and to note their good qualities. If you only water the weeds of negativity, those less desirable qualities will quickly grow and hinder your ability to see any goodness in your world.
6. Superman doesn’t really exist.
I hate to break it to you, but there is no rescuer coming to lift you out of your misery. The power to be happy is inside each of us. Either take steps to tap into your happiness, or you will end up in multiple challenging relationships until you exhaust all those around you and have no choice but to turn inward.
7. The one thing that is certain is that things change.
We all need room to grow and mature. The person you are now and the person you fell in love with may no longer share the same things in common 10 years or 10 days from now. It’s not fair to hold people captive to how they felt or to what they said in the past, when life offers a constantly changing perspective as our experiences evolve. In order to encourage an environment of vulnerability, openness, and support, you must let go of the past. Learn to both welcome and celebrate change.
8. Everyone’s “ideal” relationship is unique.
Love may not turn out how you imagined. You may not be married by the original age you thought you would. Children may or may not turn out to be part of your reality. . Be open to the guidance of your heart, and let go of the social conditioning that tells you where you ought to be in life to be happy.
9. You must give what you want to receive.
If you want love, you must be more loving. If you want compassion, you must be compassionate. But remember: You must give without expectation of return. Keeping tabs of “who gave what” in a relationship is a sure way to deplete the bank account of goodwill for any couple. Try giving the gift of love, understanding and forgiveness; you shall surely reap the benefits..
For more tips on your search for happiness, please visit Jann Glasser's website at www.jannglasser.com and