Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

The Case Of The Disappearing Man


Contributor
Love, Self

You've gone on a couple of dates, had a great time, then suddenly, as quickly as it started…silence.

We've all been there – you've gone on a couple of dates, had a great time, then suddenly, as quickly as it started…silence. Nothing but crickets.

So why did it happen? Why did he just vanish from your life? Well, the truth is, it's because he wasn’t the guy for you. You may have felt it, but it wasn’t there for him.

To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want...and Deserve".

Maybe he got scared, maybe he found someone else, or maybe he got back with an ex. The truth is it just doesn’t matter. For whatever reason, he decided he’s not the one for you. And that’s good news. Because if he stuck around and you built a foundation around him, and then it crumbled, it would be much, much worse.

I know you want to know the reason why, but what good would it do? Do you really want to hear the truth? That he didn’t find you attractive enough, smart enough, or secure enough? Just think through all of the possibilities, including that he found someone else or got back with an ex, and just go with the one that hurts the least.

And know that it's really a gift.

It’s actually a gift that he didn’t tell you why – because now you’re in control. You can decide why it ended. It’s him, not you (it really is). And then you can truly move on, and on your own terms. And moving on is the best thing you can do.

If it’s been 4 or 5 days and he hasn’t called, and before that he was calling you every other day or even every day, then the reality is that you don’t want him to call. Because it’s been too long. If he calls now and you’re OK with it, then you’re going backwards. You’re becoming a doormat.

Don’t be a doormat.

If he calls now and you ream him out for it, and tell him you’ll never accept that kind of behavior again, he might change and start calling you more often. But do you really want a guy who calls you because he doesn’t want to get yelled at? No. You want a guy who calls you because he loves you, and he really likes talking to you. And that guy is out there. Tell Mr. didn’t call for 4 or 5 days that it’s been too long and you’ve moved on. Then move on with your respect and self-esteem intact.

And then go out and find a guy that actually likes to talk to you.

Jane Garapick knows firsthand what it's like to have a broken heart, a broken dream and a broken you. She writes about adventures on the rocky road to finding Mr. Right at www.gettingtotruelove.com.

To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want...and Deserve".

This article was originally published at Getting To True Love. Reprinted with permission from the author.

Author

Contributor

Explore YourTango