The top 4 turnoffs for men and women when it comes to online dating.
Every dating coach has areas in which they excel. Mine is online dating strategies. Perhaps it's because I'm the right age to accept online dating as a valuable tool instead of as a desperate (and strange) last resort, or maybe it's because I met my incredible husband there. Whatever it is, writing dating profiles and coaching around the process is my most requested service. It often takes very little to rise to the top of the online dating pool. It's also important to note that there's a drastic difference between men and women regarding their generalized "turnoffs" when it comes to dating profiles.
Turnoff's for Men:
1. We all know it...men are visual. My top twenty "what not to do with your photos", is an article by itself. But here's my most important advice: Your main headshot should be recent, accurate, and your personal best. You should have at least ONE accurate representation of your full body in your profile, or he will simply skip to the next woman. Professional photos are your best Online Dating investment. There's a LOT of other photo no-no's, but this is the most important.
2. Unlike the structure of this article, your profile must be positive and talk about all of the things that you love. Stating a list of things that you DON'T want tells him that he'll never be able to please you.
3. Do not lead with your career or list of accomplishments. He's looking to date you, not hire you. He must be attracted to you before he respects you. This is not an interview. It's a life experience.
4. Your bio should be a story that draws a clear picture of you, and not a string of adjectives. 90% of the profiles I read sound exactly the same. Everyone thinks that they're "fun, just as comfortable in blue jeans as a formal gown, intelligent, honest...blah...blah...blah." Ask your friends and family to recall their favorite stories about you, and use those to form your dating profile. They will show him who you really are, and give him a better picture about what kind of life he would have with you.
Turnoff's for Women:
1. Bad spelling and grammar. No matter what, I can not get women to overlook this. Spell check it, and edit away. If you can, have some one read it before you post it!
2. Careless photos. Do not post photos of your dog, car, airplane, house, or view from the mountain you just climbed. No hat...and no sunglasses! Women want to see your eyes. If you're uncomfortable about some hair loss, shave it off! Many women find shaved heads sexy and a little edgy. Do not cut other women out of your photos or post group photos. Make SURE your photos are recent within the last year. Men, unlike women, can get away with a professional headshot, as long as it's current and looks like you.
3. Unwillingness to date your own age. This lights an angry fire under women like you can not believe. If you're 50, and you're only willing to (in the published age section) date women up to 40, I can't tell you how many women are cursing you. If you think you don't look your age, I guarantee you that every other man has told me the same thing. There are some drop dead beautiful cougars out there. Do NOT cut them out of your dating picture!
4. Not reading her profile before you send her an email. Women will hit that delete button so fast it will make your head spin, if you ignore what's written in her profile. She knows that she's one of 100 women that you've just emailed a canned message to because you liked her photo. She wants you to be interested in her as a person too. If you're short on time, it's better to send her a version of the sites "flirt" or "wink" and see if she responds with one of her own. Then, read her profile carefully, and comment on whatever strikes you. Unlike men, women love probing questions, because it shows genuine interest.
My biggest piece of advice to both men and women is: Don't lie in your online profile....about anything! You are only wasting your time, and there is someone out there who is perfect for you just the way that you are! Both men and women should try their hardest to remain positive and upbeat through their online dating experience. If your last date did not represent themselves accurately, do not hold it against this morning's coffee date. He or She just might be the one! Every date is a fresh potential adventure for the rest of your life. Do your best to enjoy as much of the process as you can. I wish you lots of luck and love on your online dating adventure!