Dating Chemistry Test—How Texting Tests Emotional Health

Dating Question:

I waited a few years after my wife died before I started dating a great woman, who's divorcing a jerky guy. For 2 months, we've had dinner together a couples times a week. we stay in touch each day by texting, "Miss You," or "Have fun today."

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Yesterday, I kept my cell off while I spent the day and had dinner with clients. Later I noticed she had sent me dozens of texts asking what was wrong and saying she doesn't like to be ignored. I immediately called her to say that nothing was wrong and I wasn't ignoring her. She said if I really cared about her, I would have answered her texts instead of torturing her with my silence. She said she wasn't sure she wanted to see me again because of this.

I'm confused. I enjoyed her until she freaked out over one day away from texting. Can I send you her texts so you can figure out what happened?

10 Rules For Texting And Dating

Dating Answer by Hadley Finch:

There's no need to read her texts, because this is a common example of how people mis-interpret text messages and texting behavior every day. Want to avoid these misunderstandings in the future?

Then stop texting your date...except to discuss logistics, like you're running late or changing plans to meet her. You could suggest that from now on, you'd like to stay in touch by phone or in person, not by texting.

I'd like to point out some dating red flags in this texting scenario. When your date sent you dozens of worried texts while you were unreachable, she unwittingly revealed an obsessive need for your attention. This is not attractive nor emotionally healthy, especially since you've only known each other a short time. Granted, she might be extra needy because she's going through a divorce.

That's why I strongly recommend that you delay dating seriously until you've been divorced a year. This gives you solitary time to regain your emotional stability and learn your love lessons for your role in the breakup so you don't repeat them in your next relationship. She's clearly not doing this emotional work, if she blames her divorce on her jerky husband. So keep your eyes open to see if you really want to join this woman on her journey through divorce. If you do, then buckle up for a bumpy ride.

How Do I Know I'm Ready To Start Dating After A Divorce?

You are further along on the path to recovery three years after losing your wife. Since you are new to dating, be aware of where a potential match is on that path from lost love to the fire of love. Will their attitudes and actions help you learn from joy or turbulence?

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You've just experienced turbulence over texting. You can use this dating chemistry test and others to determine if your date is emotionally equipped to create the type of dating relationship you desire.

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