When people think about the hardest part of online dating, they often point to the written profile. Oh man, it's hard to write about yourself, right? Funny thing is that while writing about yourself is a skill, it's not writing about yourself, per se, which is the point most men struggle with and stops them from getting dates.
They are simply bad at engagement.
The goal of every component of online dating is engagement.
More from YourTango: Antonio Sabato, Jr. On Celebrities Using Online Dating
What is engagement?
Engagement is getting someone to interact with you. Think about it. I teach men all the time how to be better online daters to get more dates through my business, Expert Online Dating. One of my favorite things to teach them is to use purpose to guide your actions in online dating.
Your ultimate purpose in going on online dating is to meet someone, right? But before you meet someone, you have to interact with them…You have to have emails and possibly phone calls.
And how do you get to the email? Of one of the two people has to make the move on the other person and the other person has to respond. More often then not, that person making the first move is the man. That's not to say women can't make interaction happen. She can wink, or favorite a profile so that the man know's he has a green light to contact her. This is the online equivalent to a wink or a smile or holding eye contact in a bar or anywhere else IRL.
For a man, knowing that a woman WANTS to be pursued, is key. Think about it. She joined a dating site. If she's on Match.com, eHarmony or JDate, it means she's actually paying to find someone. I don't know about you but when I pay for something I am looking for some kind of return. Ever hear that where your money goes is where your heart is? Her heart is on love. Whoever she's meeting in the real world hasn't done it for her, so she's put her efforts into a profile online. She is seriously looking for someone.
As a man, you need to play to that. Unlike meeting someone nearly anywhere else organically… you know she is looking for a man. You need to be that man.
More from YourTango: Was that...? Seeing Someone You Know on an Online Dating Site
Step One: Pursue her. Give her what she wants by going after her. Put it in your mind that that is something you need to do.
Step Two: The most important part of learning engagement is knowing how to get a girl to interact with you.
There are several ways that men attempt to engage that don't work:
- Looky loo: Just looking at her profile is going to get you close to nowhere. You might as well put a message in a bottle and cast it to sea looking for your love. She won't get it. If you like her, you need to show it. Just looking at her makes you like like a creeper and a weirdo, especially if you continue to look and never act. Don't wait for her to look at your profile; if you like it, go after it. Other men do and you're in competition.
More Juicy Content From YourTango: