Did we just figure out the answer to finding true love?...
By Sarah Foulkes, GalTime.com
Kirstie Alley made a bold New Year’s resolution on the Ellen DeGeneres Show when she declared that she is going to start dating ugly men. After claiming to have dated “players,” “psychos,” and the “unwell intentioned”, Kirstie thinks that less-than-hot men might be more appreciative of her.
A lot of women, like Kirstie, have been involved with that type of man. A guy who can't or won't sustain any type of real relationship-- leaving their partner feeling unwanted or used.
Whether she was joking or not, Kirstie is on to something says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, (aka "Dr. Romance") psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage.
Related: Why Nice Guys Always Finish Last
“Physical attraction is way over-rated. Physical attraction can lead to exactly the wrong person, or to an empty shell of a person” Tessina says.
If going for someone you’re physically attracted to can lead to a dead end, is going for someone you’re not physically attracted to a good idea?
Tessina shares that there are many more meaningful components of relationships than physical attraction.
“Relationships require character, emotional maturity and partnership, to which looks don't contribute at all. Looks may get your attention initially, but in a loving relationship, it soon fades and is replaced by love, caring and respect,” assures Tessina.
So what is it that women should be searching for in a partner? According to Tessina, there are some specific things to look for-- that have nothing to do with physical looks.
What to Look for in a Romantic Partner
Good judgement. A partner who could help you make good decisions. A person who is balanced and thinks clearly about whatever needs to be done. If you know he has good judgment you can relax and trust him. How does he run his life?
Intelligence. A guy who has intelligence and works with you as a team-- and can deal with what life hands you as a couple.
Trustworthiness. A man who is honest and can keep his promises. Reliability, responsibility and accountability will give him the strength of character he needs to keep his marriage vows and promises.
Affection: Affection is important to women, and often somewhat difficult for men. The key is in his ability to be affectionate in a way that does not inevitably lead to sex. While sex is important, and both of you deserve to have your sexual needs met, a man who pouts if affection doesn't lead to sex is emotionally immature.
Financial Responsibility. This is incredibly important, because financial irresponsibility, whether on the part of the woman or the man, will create life-long stress and deprivation. Two grown-up partners, who can manage their money well, will be able to create the life they want, support their children, prepare for the future, and have some left over for fun.
So is there hope for Kirstie Alley-- and the the rest of us to find love? Maybe if we put more emphasis on the personality-- instead of physical looks... and if the guy isn't "ugly"... that's ok too.
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