You deserve the real thing.
You thought your love story was going to be all about rainbows, butterflies and shooting stars...
And sure, that’s of part of it. But someone might have told you a fable.
One that keeps you from finding real love, and a relationship that lasts.
Being in love is one of the greatest experiences a human can have, yet there are a few details missing from the reality of what love is really all about.
So buckle-up, because you are about to hear the bangin’ truth you have been waiting to hear your whole life.
From make-believe fairytales to advice your elders may have told you about relationships, somewhere along the way you were misguided.
And as you awake from your dreamy spell, you find yourself wiping away your dewy tears, reflecting back in the magic mirror.
Feeling disappointment, you start to wonder how will you ever connect with your soulmate.
Lost in the unknown land of Lovehood, you bravely run through the thick forest searching for the concept of true love.
When you stumble into an impasse, the good fairies arrive to save the day.
With the wave of our wands and a sprinkle of magical dust, we (fairies Jillian and Jan!) share with you seven myths you've believed about love — that have kept you from finding YOUR truly happy (but realistic!) ending:
1. Fighting means you weren't "meant to be".
Fighting is healthy, but how you fight is key.
It gives you the ability to express your honest thoughts in an open format, to learn about what each of you needs for the relationship to survive.
If you come into a disagreement with a princess/prince state of mind, you may find yourself all alone.
Keep in mind that you are on the same team — so have a "WE" mentality not "ME".
You will want to work through your differences to create an alignment or at least find understanding from your mate’s perspective.
And if you need a break to calm down and collect your thoughts, ask your mate for a twenty minute timeout.
Before you part ways, agree on a time when the two of you will resume the conversation to keep your connection healthy and thriving.
This creates a cohesion of “It’s you and me versus the problem, not you versus me.”
2. Your differences mean you're not a good fit.
Understanding and respecting your differences as two individuals is healthy for your relationship!
It’s not uncommon for couples who are complete opposites in personalities, like Beauty and the Beast, to find commonalities in their interests as their union grows deeper.
In fact, dating someone like yourself would be pretty mundane.
By standing out in the crowd with unique differences it gives you edge, which initially is what attracted you to your mate in the first place.
Perhaps in love, you look for security, comfort, support and a greater connection with a mate.
However, your mate may be all about spontaneous adventures, taking risks and indulging on life’s greatest experiences.
These two complete opposites are what brings intense passion and excitement to the relationship. Aren’t you wondering what’s going to happen next?
Embracing your eccentricities, you bring conversation, openness and intensity to your bond. And that is a beautiful thing.
3. If you're not constantly connected, something is WRONG.
It’s healthy to keep communication open with your mate throughout the day, however there’s no need to check-in on the hour.
More than likely, nothing has changed within your relationship from 10am to 1pm. So why not keep your daily adventures for storytelling when you see them at night?
It’s better to share your daily interactions in a face-to-face conversation than to disclose every little detail via text.
This prevents miscommunication in your relationship, and allows you to appreciate the time you do share together ten times more.
You know the saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Well ... we agree.
You appreciate your mate more at the end of the day, when you take time to focus on yourself during work hours.
It gives you the opportunity to be more productive with your personal goals, and increases your desire to come home and spend quality time with your mate.
Talk more, text less.
4. Fading heat means the romance is over.
Many couples get into a routine once their relationship becomes a stable commitment.
While a routine can keep things running smoothly, there's a natural loss of excitement at this stage, that was present in the earlier stages.
The unknowns, the tantalizing dates, are all part of what keeps the romance heat level on max when you first meet.
Yes, going on dates can take a little bit of work and investment.
Yet, every other aspect of your life does too, if you want to be successful at it.
The dating phase can be a continual chapter in your happily-ever-after love story.
Think of love as an affectionate ongoing action towards your mate.
By showing your mate admiration, kindness, a supportive friendship and deep devotion each day, they will feel the intensity of your emotion.
This will motivate your mate to appreciate you while keeping your hearts beating in motion.
5. Once you're committed, your life becomes about your partner.
Having a sense of freedom within your relationship gives your mate the ability to express themselves without limitations.
Now, freedom doesn’t mean you have permission to do as you please or step outside the relationship. It means you and your mate respect each other’s alone time without losing a piece of yourself.
When it comes to love, you cannot control or boss your mate around.
Relationships are all about mutual respect and giving to one another in a loving, heartfelt way.
Your relationship is not based on conditional terms, like "what can you do for me?" Love is a creation of sharing unconditional pleasure and affection in the highest regards for your mate.
So leave the handcuffs for bedroom romps.
6. It's natural for people to dump their friends and abandon their goals and passions.
You may think once you get into a true-blue relationship you lose your sense of freedom to be yourself, or pursue your personal interests outside of the connection.
In fact, if you don't pursue your personal goals outside, you may develop what's called an "enmeshed bond".
Enmeshment is an unhealthy act of being too dependent upon another for your needs. This can cause the relationship to falter when there isn’t enough space for individual growth and development.
Chasing your own goals and desires independently will keep your relationship thriving when you and your mate hang out.
Not only will you feel healthier, but you will likely honor your mate in a healthy way.
7. You can change or heal your partner just by loving them enough.
And so the story goes ... if they love me, then they’ll change for me.
Yeah, not so fast!
Love isn’t about changing your mate. It’s about accepting them for who they are wholeheartedly.
You cannot change a person if they do not wish to change. You can only encourage them to pursue their goals or live a healthier lifestyle for the greater good.
It’s completely unrealistic to force or think someone is going to change. Love is powerful, but it cannot do that.
Now, that you have the a taste of the real deal, don’t bite into that apple.
Your love story will unfold before your eyes when you finally accept that NO true love is a fairytale.
Jillian and Jan Yuhas are Dating and Relationship Lifestylists who empower men and women to connect by mastering their charisma, confidence, and communication skills to achieve a fulfilling relationship. You can follow their dating dossier, or contact them at Entwined Lifestyle to learn more about their coaching programs.