Verbal abuse is a kind of battering that does not leave evidence.
Verbal abuse is a kind of battering that does not leave evidence.In public he is one man, in private he is another. Subtle dimishing or anger outbursts, cool indifference or one-upmanship, witty sarcasm or silent withholding, manipulatie coercion, or unreasonable demands are common occurrences.There are no witnesses to her reality therefore no one can understand her experience. The abuser is seen as a really nice guy and certainly he sees himself as one.
Although this describes a woman's experiences, some men suffer verbal abuse from their mates. Generally they do not live in the kind of fear women experince with an angry man. If you have been verbally abused, you have been told in perhaps subtle ways that your perception of reality is wrong and that your feelings are wrong.You may doubt your own experience and often not realize that you are doing so.
I suggest that rather than change your basic nature that you recognize what you are encountering. You may respond to what you are recognizing in a specific way. A way that requests change.
l. He seems irritated or angry with you or in general often. You are surprised each time.
2.When you try to discuss your upset feelings with him, he has a bundle of ways he expresses his refusal to discuss the situation.
3. You feel perpelexed and frustrated by his responses because you can't get him to understand your intentions.
4.You are upset mostly about the communication in the relationship: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.
5 You sometimes wonder,"What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel so bad."
6 He rarely, if ever, seems to want to share his thoughts or plans with you.
7.He takes the opposite view from you on almost everything you mention, as if your view were wrong and his were right.
8 You sometimes wonder if he perceives you as a separate person.
9. You can't recall saying to him, "Cut it out!" or "Stop it!"
10 He is either angry or has "no idea of what you're talking about " when you try to discuss an issue with him.
If you agree with two or more of these statements, you are recognizing verbal abuse. I suggest you interview several abuse specialists and find one that comes from a non-patriarchal world view.
To find out more information about standing up for yourself, please connect with me at my website.
This article was originally published at Dr Susan Ricketson. Reprinted with permission from the author.