You don’t know your partner as well as you think. And if you do, you shouldn’t.
Introducing one partner to another, even if they have been together exclusively for years, is one of the best parts of being a seasoned couples therapist.
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People are always changing. If you believe you know who your partner was yesterday, maybe you are missing out on who is in front of you today — and today’s version is likely to be a lot more interesting than the version you think you know.
Here’s how to keep yourself, and your partner, fresh for one another.
1. Tune into your fantasies.
A universally accepted notion of healing is that life energy is vital only when it moves. If your sexual life energy is not moving, it might not be vital.
Get your energy moving. Have fun with your partner by engaging in fantasy. If you can do that, you will see your entire relationship improve.
Discover how the sexual energies can lead you into new dimensions of intimacy and spontaneity.
2) Mind your meters.
If you’re eating the same kind of meal, talking the same walk, or watching the same TV show you did yesterday, you probably aren’t recognizing your and your partner’s unique set of needs today. My wife and I call this “checking our meters.”
You might have an exercise meter today that needs attention. There might be a romance meter. There might be a dessert meter tonight, when there wasn’t last night. These meters need attention, and so do your partner’s.
Get in the practice of telling each other about your meters, and work together to pay attention to them. You’ll have a blast and discover new things about each other!
3) Check in about new big goals.
The original vision of your relationship for the future is not set in stone. Nothing you dreamed up previously been carved into destiny, and new dreams emerge all the time. If you’re sticking with the original dream, maybe you are not responding to the forces that are changing in your life.
Maybe there is a new place you would like to live. Maybe there is something new you would like to learn. Perhaps a new career? Maybe your partner has been considering dance lessons. Maybe he has even been considering having kids.
You don’t know if you don’t ask. And he won’t know either.
The big takeaway
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You don’t know your partner as well as you assume. And maybe that’s OK. Maybe it would be terribly boring if you did.
You are here to learn from and help each other. Wonderful! Now, take time to enjoy it by keeping things spontaneous, non-routine, and meaningful.