Are There Red Flags In Your Relationship?

By

Are There Red Flags In Your Relationship? [EXPERT]
How long into a relationship does it take you to discover that this person is not right for you?

Celine was just starting to date again after a difficult breakup. She was feeling anxious because she didn't want to go through another unhappy relationship, but she didn't trust herself to make good choices. She sought my help in learning how to discern a promising relationship from one that is bound to fail.

In Celine's last relationship, she had been pulled in by Gary's ardent pursuit of her. She had wanted to go slower but didn't listen to herself. Instead, she gave herself up to Gary's attention and compliments. "Celine, my experience with men who come on strong right away is that they are often controlling and needy. Is that what happened with Gary?" The Feeling Of Love, The Actions Of Love

 

"Yes. He seemed so loving and open at the beginning, but once we were in a committed relationship, he started to pull on me for time and attention. He became critical and angry and petulant when I didn't give him what he wanted. How could I have known all this at the beginning? What should I look for now that I'm dating again?"

Celine had gone on one date with a man named Mark. After this first date, Mark emailed her, saying that he wanted to spend a lot of time with her and go on a trip with her. "Shades of Gary," she said. This is a red flag, right? Celine and I explored some of the red flags as well as some of the signs of a promising relationship. The Hidden Dangers Of Online Dating

Some Red Flags

  • Comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship.
  • Becomes angry, critical, or withdrawn if you say no.
  • Becomes logical and tries to talk you out of your feelings or your experience. Tries to make you feel that you are wrong for your feelings or your position.
  • Talks on and on about himself or herself and doesn't ask you much about you, or is uninterested when you do talk about yourself.
  • An older man or woman who has never been married and has been in a series of broken relationships.
  • Numerous broken marriages.
  • Had an abusive childhood and has not had therapy.
  • Has abandoned his or her children.
  • Not open to learning from relationship conflict.
  • Participates in addictions that are unacceptable to you: smoking, drinking, drugs, addictive eating, gambling, TV and so on.
  • Financially irresponsible.
  • Not truthful.
  • Has few friends.
  • Judgmental of self and others. Talks about self and others in disparaging ways.
  • Is possessive and jealous. Gets upset when you do your own thing.
  • Totally different views from yours regarding religion and/or spirituality.
  • Few interests and hobbies.

Celine and I discussed the fact that you get what you see.

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? To begin to learn Inner Bonding, take our FREE Inner Bonding course. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

I Love Him, But He Doesn't Turn Me On

By

Erin married Dylan because he was the first man who expressed his love for her and was really nice to her. She was not sexually turned on be him, but she figured that this would come in time. Now, 15 years later, sex is a huge problem in their relationship. Erin sought me for counseling due to this issue. "I love Dylan. He is my best friend. I ... Read more

You Can't Control Others (Bummer), But You CAN Influence Them!

By

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing." - Albert Schweitzer You might not want to know this truth, but we have no control over others' intent, choices and how they feel about us. However, while we have no control, we can influence others. Our loving and our unloving behavior can have a huge influence on ... Read more

Do You See People For How They Are, Or How You Want Them To Be?

By

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." —Anais Nin A variation on the above quote might be, "We don't see people as they are — we see them as we want them to be." I see this over and over with my clients. For example, Jason met a beautiful woman and became infatuated with her. "Pamela is ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular