Q&A - My boyfriend wants to try anal, butt...

(originally posted on Dr.Ruthie's Blog - www.ExploringIntimacy.com)

She slid next me after a recent workshop, voice hushed and cheeks slightly Pink. ”So what am I going to buy for my boyfriend? I need help finding a Christmas gift for him. He likes anal stuff, but… ” She went on to explain that her lover had discovered the joys of anal stimulation, and she was hoping to find a way to support him without having to be too involved “back there.” At the same time, she wanted to be romantic and sensual about it. It’s a question I hear more often than she might expect. It’s typically whispered in the last few minutes before I pack up after a workshop, or right before the end of a coaching session. That’s when the juiciest topics raise to the surface, after all. I love diving into all of those topics during a series of coaching sessions, but post-workshop is the time for quick suggestions.

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Perhaps you or a friend are facing the same dilemma. Maybe your worries are about cleanliness, concerns about what it might mean when a guy (or anyone) discovers the joys of anal stimulation, or you’re just not a fan of butt lovin’. Although all of these topics are worthy of far more discussion than possible in a brief conversation, all of them certainly deserve to be addressed.

I am impressed by any person who approaches with this question. It takes a lot of love and dedication to decide to find enjoyable ways to incorporate something we’re not yet fond of in order to support our partners. Not only is she dedicated to her partner’s exploration, but she is equally aware of her own comfort and the need to balance her feelings with his desires. What a wonderful combination!

What did she settle on?

First I pointed out the difference between thrusting toys (like dildos, and some vibes) and toys that generally go in and stay in, such as butt plugs. A plug sounded like a good idea to her. After all, he can lube and insert a gorgeous, romantic butt plug himself or she can even lube it and hand it to him, if she likes. He can wear it during their regular romantic play, and enjoy the sensations of shifting and tensing his muscles around it as moves. If she wants to do a little more without getting too close, she can hold a vibrator against the base of the plug or even rock it back and forth inside him by pressing on the edges of the base (butt toys must have a flared base). These acts can give him lovely anal and prostate pleasure, allowing a little attention to go a long way.

She ultimately chose a smaller metal butt plug by Njoy, like the one pictured above. Not only it is a lovely item that comes in classy packaging, but metal toys have a seductive weight and smoothness to them (plus they’re easy to clean). Those that are familiar with Njoy products know she made a good choice!

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Many thanks to the caring, thoughtful workshop attendee with the excellent question. I hope the two of you enjoy your gift together for many years!

Are you interested in learning more about incorporating anal play into your love life? Check out my upcoming workshops or drop me a line!