And they're MUCH closer than you probably think ...
In popular culture, dating sites, and various relationship writings, the phrase "find your soulmate" is commonly used. And like many other words or phrases, there can be a variety meanings and interpretations assigned to what the word "soulmate" actually means.
First, let’s look at some of the ways soulmate is defined in the dictionary:
“A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.”
“A person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament.”
“A person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs.”
“One or two persons compatible with one other in disposition, a point of view or sensitivity.”
Each of these definitions speaks to being compatible with another person, but not with the one person we each live with 24/7 — which is our own self.
Many of us have the belief we aren’t lovable, that we aren't enough or that we are somehow incomplete and flawed on our own. We struggle with finding meaning, inner happiness, and peace. These beliefs and the accompanying sense of separation we feel from that power greater than ourselves — along with feeling separate from the other souls playing the part of human beings like us — takes us on the search for love and worthiness outside of ourselves.
All this creates the illusion that "I" need someone or something to complete "me" — and that when "I" find him/her/it "I" will then be happy and content.
In truth, this only serves to create barriers to attracting the partner or friend that can and will dance with us in life.
Society, through dating sites and pop culture articles, says "this is how you find that person who can complete you." Ultimately, this does a disservice to readers and customers. They sell you on the idea and illusion that you are incomplete, and so the only way to completeness and happiness is by finding Mr. or Ms. Right, i.e. a person outside of yourself.
These thoughts and beliefs are the main reason we struggle so much with love in relationships. Your completeness and happiness will never be found outside of yourself.
What would you say if I told you that you are already complete?
You are already whole. You are already good enough. And you are especially loved.
See, I told you that you would need to think and believe out of the box. You come from a source that is greater than you, and this source is love — and it is complete. Since you are a creation from this source, you are already complete with love and goodness.
You have likely just forgotten this because that’s part of what aspects of a soul chooses to do — forget in order to take on their life experiences.
This is what I call “spiritual amnesia.”
Our path back to remembering is an inside job. Others assist us along the path, but we alone can choose to remember ourselves as love and goodness — or not.
Having said this, on the spiritual level my understanding of the term soulmate is this:
"The reunion with the lower (ego) self to the higher divine self. Then, with this inner marriage/union, we unite back to the holy one (God or whatever name fits for you), the creator of all."
To find your soulmate is to connect with and reconcile with your wounded ego and shadow self.
When you do this you connect more fully with your true and divine self. You unite back with your soul.
You become more curious, conscious, and engaging with yourself and life, and this, in turn, creates intimacy within you. You begin to have a deeper more fulfilling connection and relationship with your soulful self, i.e. the essence of you.
You mate with your soul.
Hence you have found your "soul mate."
By way of this inner union and reunion with the holy one, you can more fully attract a soul (or souls) outside of yourself to dance with — in healthy and constructive partnerships, friendships and relationships.
David Schroeder, LMSW, CPC from Grand Rapids, MI., is a licensed social worker, certified life coach, and author of "Just Be Love: Messages on the Spiritual and Human Journey." His practice, Transition Pathways helps people find healthy pathways to love, greater awareness and higher potential.
This article was originally published at Transition Pathways. Reprinted with permission from the author.