Valentines Day, A Treat Or A Treatment?

By

Valentines Day, A Treat Or A Treatment?
The importance of Valentine's Day

Nancy was already feeling in the dumps and it was only the middle of January. Fancy Valentine boxes of chocolates appearing in the local drug store made her feel worse. Valentine cards, ideas for gifts and romantic evenings seemed to be everywhere. Nancy, 28 and single, felt assaulted by the media and even the other gals in the office who were comfortably in relationships and busily planning for February 14th. And to make matters even worse, her boyfriend of the last 3 years had just married. She could only imagine how much fun he would be having in a few weeks. Nancy was truly miserable.

Jacky was happily married for five years, except for one thing. Steve never seemed to get the importance of Valentine's Day. Every year she tried to give him hints. She left magazines open to articles like how to have a romantic Valentine's Day surprise for your sweetheart. She made sure she created a fantastic meal for the 14th and set the atmosphere for when Steve came home from work. The house was decorated with cherubs and Valentine's. The candles were set on the table. The soft music played in the background. And each year she had experienced about the same results. Steve came home tired, seemed surprised at all the fuss, gave her a kiss on the cheek, a Valentine card that displayed more of an effort to not waste money than to be romantic, put on the news and basically ignored her as soon as he finished dessert. And to top it off, Steve couldn't fathom why Jacky was unhappy with him.

Natalie* has been struggling with romantic and exaggerated memories about a lover from her past. Compared to her husband David, who she sees everyday, and who isn't always on his toes romantically (being a slightly remote college professor) Jack looks fabulous in her mind's eye. Even Jack's negative personality traits have faded. Memories of his love-making skills haven't. This Valentine's Day may be a day of nostalgic daydreaming of long lost lovemaking instead of throwing herself into her basically sound and loving marriage.

All of these women suffer conditions that often plague women on February 14th. What should be a pleasant day of love and affection has turned for many into a day of dread and despair . Let's look at the psychological factors that play into this unhealthy situation:

Nancy's situation is very typical of women who don't currently have a significant other. Our society is a couple's society and when we are alone the media, family and friends make that blatantly clear. Most of us want someone to love and I'm not here to change that. But as a positive psychologist I am going to make a healthy suggestion:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Barbara Becker Holstein

Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach

Credentials: EdD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Life Transitions, Parenting, Child Development, Girls, Tweens and Teens

Website: Barbara Becker Holstein's website

Telephone: 732-571-1200  e-mail: drbarbara@enchantedself.com

Websites: Enchanted Self,  TheTruthforgirls next-year-in-jerusalem,  authorsspeaking positivepsychologyforwomen

Latest Books: The Truth, Diary of A Gutsy Tween; Around Every Corner, Romance & Mystery...(On Kindle), Secrets: You Tell Me Yours And I'll Tell You Mine...Maybe, Next Year In Jerusalem, Parts 1 And 2, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy

You Tube: Enchanted Self, The Truth for Girls, Next Year in Jerusalem

Find me on Twitter: @TRUTH4GIRLS, and @DRBHOLSTEIN

Find me on Pinterest: DR. BARBARA

Sign up for my newsletters: Enchanted Self,  The Truth for Girls

Sign up for my webinar on Women and Fantasy

Location: Long Branch, NJ
Credentials: EdD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Life Transitions
Other Articles/News by Barbara Becker Holstein:

Positive Memories Encourage Happiness

By

Recently I was talking to a dear friend of the family.  She was remembering memories of both my mother and my father and sharing them with me.  Betty and my mother were best friends since girlhood.  In fact, in my mother, Bernice Becker’s book, FEEL GOOD STORIES, there are eight illustrations.  These were all done by her friend of a ... Read more

Want A Free Vacation? Use Your Mind

By

Recently in a women's therapy group that I run, the desire for fun and a change of pace overtook me. I suggested that we deviate from some of our typical work and instead go around the room imagining a vacation treat designed to suit each woman's desires. It was fascinating to see how many marvelous vacation ideas quickly emerged. One woman wished ... Read more

You Never Know What Affect You Will Have On Someone

By

I will never forget the following: I was so moved listening to Steve Hartmen on CBS News. He did one of his "Everyone Has a Story" segments, and this lady certainly did. He had gone somewhere in Wisconsin, randomly found a lady and talked to her. At first, she tried to back off and actually told him that he was violating her privacy. But after they ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular