Premarital Counseling gets a bad rap. The popular belief that there is something wrong with your relationship if you need counseling just isn't true. Most premarital clients are very happy and not having doubts about their wedding. They simply se skills to prepare for predictable challenges of marriage. Yes, marriage is challenging, but most of the challenges are easy to overcome.
We live in a world where more than 40% of all marriages fail. For those with college degrees, only 16% fail. For those without college degrees, 50% of marriages fail. The good news is that both numbers are better than the media tells you. And in both cases, most fail within the first ten years.
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As a marriage therapist, I can tell that that most of these couples had little to no doubts about their future success when they were standing at the altar. So, what happened to these happy couples? Most weren't prepared for the predictable challenges that come with being married. Help! My Husband Won't Go To Couples Therapy
Living with one person for most of your adult life isn't easy. Issues like kids, money, your sex life, planning for the future — even picking what to have for dinner — can become a challenge when you and your mate are not on the same page. Marriages that start off with couples agreeing about how to manage these expectable bumps in the road have a better chance of surviving.
Here are the top 5 reasons couples need this preventative dose before walking down the aisle:
1. Role Change. Couples rarely anticipate the anxiety or feelings that come up as they think about their new roles as husband and“wife. What does it mean to move from being a single person, to someone bound to another? It may feel like nothing will change because you already spend all your time together, perhaps live together and share expenses.
But don't be fooled - huge changes are underway. You are moving from a girlfriend to a wife or a boyfriend to a husband. These changes affect very basic things in life including how you think about yourself and how you look at your life moving ahead. For couples who struggle with their loss of independence, this can be a particular challenge.
2. Bonding. My experience as a therapist tells me that 3 main reasons why couples divorce are:
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- Someone in the marriage feels that their partner just doesn't understand him/her anymore;
- Someone in the marriage fells that that their spouse has changed. In the client's words, "I no longer feel like I know him/her;" and
- Someone in the marriage has the ongoing experience of feeling of being alone in the relationship.
The bond between couples is an intimate connection that no other relationship can match. When a couple feels like their marriage is in crisis, something about this bond is being stretched or pulled and the couples is left with the sensation that something is very, very wrong.
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