Even the best of marriages suffer from minor breaches of trust from time to time--and these minor breaches can lead to long-term resentment if not addressed. For instance, my husband said he would only be gone for five minutes the other day. He was gone for 30. You can bet the next time he tells me that he's just going out of 5 minutes I'm going to doubt the truth of that statement.
Here are some trust-building strategies and thoughts that have worked for me:
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1. If you cannot bring yourself to trust, it means you are actively deciding not to trust. Why have you made the decision not to trust? Explore that question.
2. Lack of trust can stem from not feeling loved and adored. Teach your spouse what you need to feel loved and adored.
3. Lack of trust can stem from fear of losing your spouse. What can your spouse do to convince you that he or she will never leave.
4. Sometimes we hold onto lack of trust as if it were a Crazy 8 (in the game of Crazy 8s). We hoard it, just waiting to pull it out and yell, “See? This is why I can’t trust you!” Put down the card, and then stand up and walk away from the game.
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5. Deciding to trust again is a lot like getting on an airplane in the days after 9-11. You take a deep breath, you put the “what ifs” out of your mind, and you go for it.
Alisa Bowman is the author of Project: Happily Ever After, which tells the real life story of how she went from the brink of divorce to falling back in love. It's available for pre-order on amazon.com.