Wanna kill your relationship? Here's how.
We always hear about the foods and chemicals that quietly erode our health. But, while we don't hear about them as frequently, there are similarly dangerous threats to our relationships. The sooner you identify any of these five things in your relationship, the better your chances are of saving it. If You Do These 10 Things You're Headed Toward Lasting Love (Yay!)
1. You criticize your partner more than you express appreciation. Think for a moment about how you have felt when your partner, your parent, friend or boss has made it a personal habit to hone in on everything you aren't doing, rather than appreciate all the positive and thoughtful steps and efforts you are taking. It feels awful, right? Don't you want to be around this person less and less? Perhaps your partner does, too ...
2. You cling to mistakes your partner made in the past, even though he/she is working hard not to repeat them. I often share this quote with clients as it sums up perfectly the futility of clinging to grudges and old grievances: "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
It's one thing for your significant other to keep making the same, disrespectful mistake over and over. However, if genuine and consistent steps to change following a sincere apology have taken place, take your hands off the wheel of grievances that will only spin you both into a ditch.
When you pin your partner to their past mistakes and don't honor their efforts to grow, you punish them unfairly and may be dooming your relationship in the process. How Do I Stop Holding A Grudge? [VIDEO]
3. You or your partner shows signs of depression but aren't seeking help. During my career as a therapist, I have seen more relationships destroyed for this reason alone than perhaps any other. We wouldn't think twice about going to the E.R. for a broken arm and yet, because many of depression's symptoms are invisible — sleep difficulties, lack of energy, sadness, feelings of worthlessness/hopelessness, and anger — we dismiss, neglect, and/or deny them.
Stress from work, the loss of a job or loved one, illness and past traumas can all take a heavy toll. Don't fool yourself. Untreated depression distorts our perception, our sense of hope and possibilities and causes us to act and react in ways that can be profoundly destructive.
If you or your partner have been showing signs of depression for more than one month, seek support now in your local community. Find a therapist, talk to a trusted doctor and don't rule out a medication evaluation if symptoms persist.
4. You're defensive and stubborn when your partner gives you constructive criticism. Unless the space is filled with mirrors, you can see everyone but yourself when you walk into a room. When your partner points out something to you that is irritating or hurtful, do you typically take it seriously or respond like a kindergartner might? Do you find yourself saying things like, "Well, you do that too!" or "No, I don’t!" If yes, cut it out.
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