Photo: ORION PRODUCTION / Shutterstock
These twenty questions will lead to a more intimate relationship.
By Randi Gunther — Last updated on Jan 04, 2024
Many couples, new and long-term, ask me how to strengthen their relationship and how they can get to know each other more deeply and achieve more depth in their relationships. They are often eager to ignite a new relationship or reinvigorate one that feels stale.
There are many ways to challenge the limitations of a relationship. Here is one interesting way to explore this idea: a sentence-completion questionnaire that can be fun for new and old partners to complete and share.
When both partners answer authentically, they can challenge each other’s thoughts and feelings to better understand and enhance their relationship. They can add new sentences as their relationship progresses, or return to the same ones again as their relationship matures.
Ask your partner to join you in filling in the following blanks and then honestly tell each other why you answered the way you did. Be sure to share how those feelings and thoughts originated in your lives before you met each other, and give examples of how they have affected your past relationships. Share how each of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are open to discussion or negotiation, even those that you find hard to change.
When you finish, you will know what you can expect of your partner as your relationship matures. Remember: You're seeking to maintain a balance of security and risk for the rest of your relationship, so be as honest as you can.
If you want a better, closer relationship, ask each other these 20 questions:
1. Men think of women as ______.
2. Women think of men as ______.
3. Relationships work out because the partners ______.
4. Relationships fail because ______.
5. Love is ______.
6. To have a great relationship, women must ______.
7. To have a great relationship, men must ______.
8. The hardest thing about an intimate relationship is ______.
9. People fall in love because ______.
10. The most important qualities of great male partners are ______.
11. The most important qualities of great female partners are ______.
12. The most hurtful thing a man can do in a relationship is ______.
13. The most hurtful thing a woman can do in a relationship is ______.
14. What men most like is ______.
15. What women most like is ______.
16. The most important lessons I’ve ever learned about relationships are ______.
17. The adjectives I’d use to describe the perfect relationship are ______.
18. In a relationship, I cannot do without ______.
19. The/ best attributes I bring to a relationship are ______.
20. I would end a relationship if ______.
Great relationship partners know how to choose security when they need safety and predictability, and how to explore new dimensions when they need innovation and excitement. They know that the future of their relationship depends on that balance to stay intact.
More for You:
Dr. Randi Gunther is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor, who helps singles and couples. She is the author of the newsletter Heroic Love.
This article was originally published at Psychology Today. Reprinted with permission from the author.