Choosing to change your mindset will allow you to change your world.
In her book Radical Acceptance, author Andrea Miller discusses how adopting a whole new mindset for your romantic endeavors will transform your relationships as well as your general happiness. Here’s why the gift of radical acceptance is one you’ll never want to return for store credit.
1. It’s for you, as well as those you give it to.
First and foremost, it can’t be emphasized enough that choosing to practice radical acceptance isn’t just a kindness you’re showing to others; it’s one of the most powerful gifts you can give yourself. This lifestyle change will relieve your mind of stress and confusion in every single relationship you have, including the one you have with yourself.
Don’t be fooled, though! Opting to accept the world around you as it is isn’t the same as deciding to put on rose-colored glasses and delude yourself with positivity; it is, instead, putting on clearer lenses to see things objectively, without judgment; to see how best the people you interact with fit into your life, or whether they deserve a spot there at all.
You’re going to grow and change, but you’re going to do so in a way that’s way easier on yourself than attempting to push through the obstacles you’re used to building for yourself.
2. It’s contagious.
To cite Paul McCartney, “The love you take is equal to the love you make,” and that absolutely applies here. Granting someone an open door will leave you vulnerable and may take your partner some time to recognize and reciprocate, but your bold choice to practice radical acceptance has the power to light a fire of the same with anyone you show it to.
Now, don’t be fooled; there are many people who are too imprisoned in their own self-loathing to ever give radical acceptance a chance, but when you’ve surrendered yourself to it fully, you’ll become a force of nature within all your interactions, opening the door for others to reciprocate unconditional love. Once you set the standard of radical acceptance, those who feel its warmth won’t be able to help but mirror it back to you and spread it around.
3. The benefits are a package deal.
Radical acceptance is really like giving your relationship a pile of gifts at once because the benefits are numerous and far-reaching. This package deal also guarantees Clarity, Happiness, Freedom, Trust, Confidence in your own role in the relationship and the relationship’s intent, Wide Open Communication, and, ultimately, a whopping dose of love for everyone involved. It’s the gift that gives more gifts in perpetuity.
4. What it eliminates is also a package deal.
It sounds ominous to say that anything “gives as much as it takes away,” but fear not! Everything you will lose from your life when you adopt radical acceptance are issues you’ll be happy to be relieved of. When you make a commitment and dive in, you’ll lose stress, drama, feelings of uncertainty about your relationship, and maybe even the temptation to create an exit route.
Obviously, if you’re in a troubled relationship when you first adopt radical acceptance into your life, it’s going to take time for all these benefits to emerge, but few great changes happen overnight. What’s more, if you find that you’ve been running yourself ragged trying to radically accept your partner, only to feel taken advantage of or notice that your relationship is still fraught with drama and stress, that’s a sign that you’re in something that isn’t working or serving you.
With this clarity, you’re given the option to eliminate the entire romance and start over with someone fresh.
5. It's transformative.
Choosing to change your mindset will allow you to change your world. It sounds like the sort of one-love hippie nonsense most of us roll our eyes at, but the truth still stands; when you open your heart and decide to love without judgment, it turns your life into something different. Silencing your inner critic and boldly accepting life on life's terms takes courage, but will also simultaneously soften your heart and free you from pessimism.
Once you're not weighed down by the type of negativity that slyly attempts to brand itself as realism, your entire temperament will change for the better. Additionally, when you become an active force of positivity, you give those around you the freedom to be the same, which changes everything about how you interact.
6. You’ll never regret it.
When you work from a place of radical acceptance, you’re not opening yourself up to be a doormat; you’re giving yourself a real chance to dive in 150 percent to a relationship and see it for what it can be. Hopefully, this shift will allow your relationship to blossom in ways you never anticipated.
But if the reality of your situation is that you two aren’t a match, you can rest easy knowing that you put in your best effort for success to come to that conclusion and you won’t be haunted by regrets in the aftermath.