Probably not what you're expecting...
You don't have to look far for an opinion about what kissing says about a guy.
Some experts will tell you that a guy who uses too much saliva when he kisses you is insecure.
Others will say that a guy who won't use tongue when he's kissing you is holding himself back from you emotionally.
There's probably a lot of truth to these theories, but there are definitely some types of kissing that never get broken down on the internet.
So if you've been looking everywhere to find out what kissing says about a guy and not finding the answer, we've got you covered.
Behold, 7 funny, ridiculous, just plain crazy things a guy's kiss could be saying about him.
1. If his tongue is forked when he's kissing you
You are kissing a man who is part of an ancient race of alien lizard people.
He has selected you to survive the inevitable uprising.
2. If he cries when he's kissing you
It's because he just remembered that scene in Bambi where (spoilers) his mother is shot.
Either that or it's because he's got a serious phobia of kissing which he is treating with exposure therapy.
3. If he laughs like a maniac when he's kissing you
Well, well, well.
Looks like you're kissing an evil mad scientist!
Be careful, he might just be using you for your brain.
4. If he whispers incantations into your mouth when he's kissing you
You are literally making out with a wizard.
This could go two ways.
Either you get a spell that gives you perfect hair ... or you guys break up and he curses your boobs.
Either way, definitely an adventure.
5. If he whinnies into your mouth when he's kissing you
First, check and see if he has a man head or a horse head.
If he has a man head, you and most likely making out with a majestic centaur.
Going green is important, and with a centaur as your beau, you'll never have to pay for gas again.
Plus horses have notoriously large penises, you lucky creature.
6. If he tells you that you taste better than Selena Gomez when he's kissing you
You are kissing Justin Bieber.
7. If he starts going "nom nom nom" when he's kissing you
Then you might be making out with Cookie Monster.
To be sure, offer him a choice between full sex or a plate of cookies.
His answer will tell you all you need to know.
Hope this guide was helpful. Or at least gave you a good laugh.