You feel cheated because you expected things to be different.
Dear Man Who Thought He Deserved Sex From Me Because He Was Nice To Me,
I know you’re hurting from all this. You’re hurting because you feel like you’ve been lied to. You’ve been told, from the day you could speak, lies about how to deal with women. Worse, society basically led you to believe that you will get a girl and that she’ll be supermodel hot, perfect, and your own queen.
You were told that being “nice” in the form of polite would get you love, sex, and affection. You were basically taught that women don’t need much to be happy and that you’d be swimming in p*ssy once you hit a certain age, got a certain degree, or did a certain thing.
It was assumed you’d just have girls throwing themselves at you if you did the right things, right?
What no one ever told you was that attraction has to play a certain role in how things pan out and unfortunately for everyone, you can’t force someone to like you.
Though we all wish things were different, love doesn’t work the way it does in rom-coms, porn, or even pickup guides. You feel cheated because you expected things to be different.
You feel like women are using you for your “niceness,” and that they aren’t willing to hold up what you think is their end of the deal. You might even feel like women don’t really treasure you at all or even see you as anything other than an absorbent crying shoulder or a wallet.
I just want you to know, I am hurting too. You weren’t the only one who was lied to here, and I would go so far as to say that the lies that I suffered were a lot worse than the ones you suffered.
You see, I was lied to by you. You lied about caring about me or about being my friend. If you gave a rat’s ass about me, you’d still want to be friends regardless of sex. You lied when you said that you respect me. You don’t respect me, nor am I certain you even like me. All you want is sex, and if I’m not providing it, you aren’t going to bother being polite with me. Hell, you won’t even bother talking to me unless I put out.
You lied when you said you were a nice guy because people who are genuinely nice don’t expect sex in return for the bare minimum of human decency.
You lied when you said you were a gentleman because real gentlemen don’t bemoan their fate to be chaste or call women “stupid whores.” You lied about caring about women; all you care is what they can do for you.
You lied, both to yourself and to me. Think about the most heinously hideous, unattractive woman you have ever seen. Now, let’s add the quality of her smelling like a dead skunk on a summer day. If she was polite and acted like a friend to you, would you agree to have sex with her? I’m willing to bet you wouldn’t. But, according to your logic, she “deserves” sex for being polite. If you don’t think this is hypocritical, you’re also lying to yourself.
All in all, you lied to yourself when you said that you viewed me as a person. To you, I’m a gatekeeper to validation, sex, or whatever it is that you want. My needs, wants, and hopes are of no concern to you. To you, I’m just a “sex vending machine that’s busted.”
I know you’re hurting, but you’re not the only one in this situation that’s hurt. You’ve been lied to by mainstream society’s sh*t messages on courtship and love. I’ve been lied to by you and have been fooled into thinking I had a real friend. I was fooled into thinking that I was a person to you.
You might never give a sh*t about me and what I had to say, but in the off-chance you do take in what I just wrote, do us all a favor and start seeking the truth about your behavior before you bemoan your “friend zone” status to another person.